Like B-Movies? How about B-Music? The best/worst thing you will ever hear.
Every so often, I come across something that sounds downright wretched. Stuff you can’t stand to hear because it’s awful. Kinda like idealistic chick flicks, which is often so terrible that I have to either leave the room/theater and somehow dull whatever pain that is coursing through my body. Then…you hear/see something that is a whole different level of bad. It’s so terrible that you can’t help but laugh your ass off. The humorous nature comes from the disbelief that you are actually hearing/seeing something that bad. The denial your senses go into makes everything so much funnier. This is exactly what you’re going to hear. (You will need an MP3 player – You can get one here).
The following songs were recorded during a high school band rehearsal that our friend Joebob had the pleasure of participating in. He decided to share his pain with us by recording a rehearsal for us. Thanks a lot, Joebob.
*WARNING* I am not responsible for any outbursts of laughter or disbelief beyond this point. Continue and download at your own risk.
For anyone who is a non-music type person, scales are basically the “structure” or “foundation” of any song. Every song is somewhat based around scales, which contain a total of 8 main notes. This is the most basic of the basic. To our disbelief (but not any lack of surprise), the AHS band has quite an interesting time going from scale to scale. Something to keep in mind: If a band has a hard time with scales, they will have quite a hard time with actual songs. I hope you know what you’re in store for now.
“Joy to the World” is a long time favorite among Christmas celebrations. As AHS plays this, we dub it, “Joy to the Deaf.” The intro, which contains a duet of trumpets, horrendously out of tune and out of synch with each other, is indeed something full of joy…to the deaf. Words cannot describe how this song is butchered beyond belief.
As we move to the next track, you may somewhat recognize that this song is “Winter Wonderland.” Since AHS enjoys taking classics and destroying even the lame arrangements that have been watered down for terrible bands, we decided to have a listen and quite a good laugh. It’s inconceivable how BAD this is. The songs is already too slow. There’s not a single instrument in tune. I’m having a hard time believing that even the bells are in tune. Keep in mind that all of this is after months of rehearsal.
I don’t know which song this is supposed to be, but it’s wretched. There’s a giant conglomeration of CRAP going on during this track, all of which have no sense of rhythm or pitch. Gotta love the angry band director.
5. Slayed Ride
“Sleigh Ride?” you ask? Wrong. Slayed Ride. A very well known song for the holidays. Compared to most of their songs, this one starts out ok, then just progressivly goes downhill. Basically, it’s the end product of how I feel when I hear/see Christmas commercials. I can’t stop laughing…someone turn it off…
So much terrible…so much funny… This particular track is one of my favorite. There’s a lot of areas where all the instruments are supposed to be playing the same note, but end up being so out of tune that it’ll cause brain damage. Marvelous. Remember, this band plays a Christmas show in front of parents and faculty.
7. Brit In Ya
Well, if you’re starting to ache from laughing, get ready for more. Might wanna take a break or something. Get some water. Heh. This particular song is called, “Britania” or something. Whatever it is, they did such an awful job that you may have trouble discerning any real rhythm. They kinda do better here, but…naw, don’t thing it’ll get listenable. Heh.
Uh oh, AHS is going Ricky Martin. They both suck. This here song is called, “Latin Celebration.” Just listen.
“Lion King Broadway.” Hurray for cheesy band arrangements of Disney films. Well, upon listening to this particular song, you might be able to recognize Elton John’s catchy little melody from the Lion King. That is, if you’re lucky. Lots of random noise and chaos, as before. GOD those trumpets…someone shoot them.
10. Band Room Circus
This song is supposed to be a circus song. It isn’t. It’s SHIT.
11. Choking Bilge
Ugh… Before I murder the person playing the Triangle, I want to let you all know that listening to this band will make you feel dumber. But you already knew that from the blood coming out of your ears.
“Pomp and Circumstance” is a well known tune that is often played during a graduation ceremony. Listening to this will drop your grades below passing, thus keeping you in high school for the remainder of your life.
Hearing this particular snippet will make you wonder why this band is so awesome.
Fun Factor (0) – Who to blame here?
Talent (-3) – NO!
Laugh Level (0) – Yay for crap!
Boredom Fix-ness (0) – Band arrangements + bad band = 0