Taking Gawkman's lead, Murph reviews a movie drunk. On the plus side, you'd have to be drunk to enjoy this movie anyway, so it kindof evens out.

Hmm, B-Movies. A very mixed bag they are. For one, you can usually tell right off the bat if it's going to be good or not. If the monster is some normally nonthreatening thing then usually you're a shoe-in. But in this case, I was VERY mistaken.

I remember hearing JoeBob mention this movie when he saw the box at a garage sale or something. It's about killer frogs, witch is great, and the box has one of the most good sayings ever; "Today the pond, tomarrow the WORLD!" Really, how could any person, sober or not, refuse such a great quote? Even though I'm drunk now, I wasn't when I watched this movie, and that my friends, was a grave mistake. Not only was this movie bad, but it was also very very very borking. I said borking. That is neat.

I was really excited to see EVAL DEATH FROGS ATTACKING PEOPLE WITH THEIR DEATH TOUNGES OR SOMETHING THAT CAUSES DEATH OR AT LEAST PAIN IN SOME WAY SHAPE OR FORM. But what I got was a near two hour bore fest full of animals you see at the zoo and say, "Man, these are really boring animals. I'm sure glad that they've never starred in their own major motion picture!" Let us take some time to see what I've learned from this movie;

  • Poison doesn't work on frogs, it just gets them really pissed off.
  • Water mocasins pull people underwater. You know, cause theirs so HUGE.
  • When a giant sea turtle that lives in fresh water for some reason swims tward you, you will promptly die. Then crabs that also don't live in fresh water will climb on your ass for a while.
  • Old men really like thier birthday. Even if people die, the CELEBRATION WILL GO ON!
  • Beer makes movies better.
  • Jars filled with "Caution" will kill you very fast. You won't even have time to open an unlatched door!
  • If you get out of your wheel chair you die. Then frogs will jump on you, just to prove that you're their bitch.

Besides that, the movie just kept going and going. Stopping only to show you random scenes of frogs jumping around for NO reason what-so-ever. The picture on the box may make you think that there will be a giant frog that eats people. But they are all real frogs that some guy off camera threw at the actors. This movie was painfully bad. Everyone in this movie was either retarded or narcoleptic, because they died for the stupidest reasons known to man. Film OR real life. I guess I'm not as drunk as I thought I was cause this review makes some sense. STUPID REVIEW! BE MORE/LESS STUPID! So Alex/JoeBob, if you're reading this, you can give up your search for Frogs. It really sucks teh casbah.


Category Comment Rating
Fun Factor Frogs attacking windows, random frog scenes. -4
Dumbness Level So horrible. -4.5
Laugh Level I make more plesent noise with my stink-whistle. -4.5
Boredom Fix-ness Frogs walk around... yay. -4.5
Creativity Blastphamy! -4.5
Final Verdict: -4.4


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Rawrb unleashes:

Amphibious DOOM!