Another B-Movie review? Is there no end to their stupidity? Pointlessness? Cheeseyness? Genious? Yes.

When planning on a B-Movie rental (I HOPE you're only renting them) it's good to follow some guidlines to be sure your getting a quailty stupid movie:

  • The cover should have some sort of witty cauch phrase such as; "A picture is worth a thousand STABBINGS!" or "A penny saved is a YOU'RE GONNA DIE!"
  • Don't be fooled by a "17 or older" sticker or cleavage on the cover; TWICE has this been a flooke.
  • Look at who directed, produced, and stared in the movie. Never heard of them? GOOD.
  • NEVER, EVER, watch a B-Movie alone. That would be like flossing without... well floss.

With those rules in mind I should have never rented Mirror, Mirror 2: The Raven Dance. This movie SUCKED. Not even B-Movie sucked, it SUCKED. If there was a sucking contest, this movie would not be allowed to participate due to previous experience with professional sucking. It was BAD."But did it suck with GOODNESS?" - No.

I did rent this movie with a few friends, and yes, we did laugh as we always do, but this movie was so pointless, confusing, uneventful, it was worse than... bad, things. Even though the movie had very few good parts it didn't overshadow the sheer bordom of this movie. It's like waiting in line at Taco Bell for four hours trying to get your Grande Meal and when you get to the cashier they shoot in the head with a .50 Desert Eagle. It was all so POINTLESS! Take these examples:

  • Regardless of what the title tells you, there is not one dance scene involving ravens.
  • Even though there is cleavage and an "over 17" rating, there is a definate problem with the amount of boobs... or lack thereof.
  • A lot of times only 2 children are in an orphanage. At this time a metal band will come and practice there.
  • Orphanage caretakers often drink a lot and make things out of wood, steel, and parts of baby dolls.
  • No one notices a hung body and flying chairs, but neither play a significant role either.
  • Teenagers often live in SECRET ROOMS of orphanages.
  • I can't even think of anymore that's how boring this movie was.
  • NO MORE!

If this all wasn't enough the same scene is the first and last of the film. SO IT STARTS ALL OVER! YAY! Deja Vu of PAIN! But don't take MY word for it, let's hear what Amazon.com had to say about this gem.

A mysterious mirror is found hidden in a church orphanage, yet few realize its legacy of evil. When an innocent teen (Tracy Wells) discovers that she is being stalked by her evil stepsister (Sally Kellerman), the mirror's demonic power is again unleashed. As the mirror gains strength from the blood of the damned, the ultimate battle between good and evil begins.

WHAT MOVIE DID THEY WATCH?!?! There was no "blood of the damned" and not even a HINT of a "battle" let alone between good and evil! I guess this movie could be a little fun to make fun of at times, but just about every movie is. So unless you think your elite enough to take on this shitter of a shit. Stay away from Mirror, Mirror 2: The Raven Dance.

Rating

Category Comment Rating
Originality I had no idea what went on. -4
Acting It's a B-Movie, what you thinkin? -4.5
Soundtrack Crap! -3.5
Effects/Presentation Kill the crappy metal band with equally crappy lightening effects! -3.5
Storyline S...s-t-o-r-y??? -3
0
Final Verdict: -3.7

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The movie poster of... I would NORMALY say goodnes...
It wasn't, but it should have been
This about captures the mood of the film