A movie you never heard of and probably never will hear of! But if you like NEW B-Movies you'll wanna track this one down. ...Just be ready for one hell of a hunt!
So there I was, at a roller rink with my free flat pop and my free stale popcorn, getting ready to see Kerry's (the owner of the rink) newly produced movie. His last movie, The Learning Curve was bought by MGM and is set for a limited release. Through this 'success' he decided to produce another, a horror/drama/suspense flick by the name of Suspended Animation.
I was invited by a friend of mine that works at the roller rink, (also the drummer of Infrared) and there was free food, so I took that offer. I had no idea what to expect, all he told me is that it was about "A snowmobile trip and this guy and killers and stuff." I sat down and a guy came out announcing some stuff about the movie. "The animation sequences aren't complete yet. Also, there is one avalanche scene that hasn't been put in yet." He then explained that where the avalanche would soon be there was text saying, "Temporary Effects." If that doesn't spell GRATE MOOVIE then I don't know what does!
The movie starts out confusing as all hell. An animation director goes on a snow mobile trip (it's all falling into place) and flips it in someone's property. Unable to get it out he goes to the cabin and asks for some help. Two old ladies answer and say that someone is coming with a truck to help but he never seems to show up. Then they drug him with a ginger cookie and tea, and when he tries to leave he passes out and they tie him up. They then show him a skull on a platter, a dick in a jar, and a bunch of pictures of people they killed/tortured/ate. They then decide to stamp his head with one of those stamps they use to mark beef... YUMMERAY!
Anyway, that was just about the first 10 minutes of the movie, the rest has things like this:
For the most part the acting was kinda cheesey, with the exception of the star who wasn't half bad. The effects pretty much sucked, but that's because they were "Temporary." The basic idea was alright, but it was almost exactly like Misery as he made a movie out of his experiance.
So anyway, if you're a fan of movies like Stange Land, Hannibal, or Misery, you'll more than likely enjoy this flick. It also qualifies as a pretty good B-Movie because of MANY joke opportunities. Only problem is that they asked me to stop talking because a lot of people were laughing at my stupidity. STUPID STUPIDIDITY!
OH! And also, it was impossible for me to get any pics of this movie, so I kinda made my own. Enjoy!
|Originality||Misery + Hannibal + Heavy Metal 2K = Suspended Animation||-3.5|
|Acting||Wasn't bad for how dumb the story was.||-1.5|
|Effects/Presentation||What? You mean the temparary ones?||-5|
|Storyline||Pretty dumb. Eat teh cartoonist!||-3|
|Final Verdict: -3.25|