A movie you never heard of and probably never will hear of! But if you like NEW B-Movies you'll wanna track this one down. ...Just be ready for one hell of a hunt!

So there I was, at a roller rink with my free flat pop and my free stale popcorn, getting ready to see Kerry's (the owner of the rink) newly produced movie. His last movie, The Learning Curve was bought by MGM and is set for a limited release. Through this 'success' he decided to produce another, a horror/drama/suspense flick by the name of Suspended Animation.

I was invited by a friend of mine that works at the roller rink, (also the drummer of Infrared) and there was free food, so I took that offer. I had no idea what to expect, all he told me is that it was about "A snowmobile trip and this guy and killers and stuff." I sat down and a guy came out announcing some stuff about the movie. "The animation sequences aren't complete yet. Also, there is one avalanche scene that hasn't been put in yet." He then explained that where the avalanche would soon be there was text saying, "Temporary Effects." If that doesn't spell GRATE MOOVIE then I don't know what does!

The movie starts out confusing as all hell. An animation director goes on a snow mobile trip (it's all falling into place) and flips it in someone's property. Unable to get it out he goes to the cabin and asks for some help. Two old ladies answer and say that someone is coming with a truck to help but he never seems to show up. Then they drug him with a ginger cookie and tea, and when he tries to leave he passes out and they tie him up. They then show him a skull on a platter, a dick in a jar, and a bunch of pictures of people they killed/tortured/ate. They then decide to stamp his head with one of those stamps they use to mark beef... YUMMERAY!

Anyway, that was just about the first 10 minutes of the movie, the rest has things like this:

  • Skull + Power Drill = Bad
  • A mother's thigh bone lasts forever
  • A severed penis can be kept in pickle juice
  • 90 year old women are good snipers
  • 15 year old boy beats up mother and other grown man
  • 15 year old boy kills raccoons and puts daisy in their eye sockets
  • 15 year old boy kills women and cuts off their... "lips" (not the kissing ones I'm afraid)
  • 15 year old boy is a nut job
  • 90 year old women are hard as hell to kill
  • Cartoons about cannibals can be GREAT hits

For the most part the acting was kinda cheesey, with the exception of the star who wasn't half bad. The effects pretty much sucked, but that's because they were "Temporary." The basic idea was alright, but it was almost exactly like Misery as he made a movie out of his experiance.

So anyway, if you're a fan of movies like Stange Land, Hannibal, or Misery, you'll more than likely enjoy this flick. It also qualifies as a pretty good B-Movie because of MANY joke opportunities. Only problem is that they asked me to stop talking because a lot of people were laughing at my stupidity. STUPID STUPIDIDITY!

OH! And also, it was impossible for me to get any pics of this movie, so I kinda made my own. Enjoy!

Rating

Category Comment Rating
Originality Misery + Hannibal + Heavy Metal 2K = Suspended Animation -3.5
Acting Wasn't bad for how dumb the story was. -1.5
0
Effects/Presentation What? You mean the temparary ones? -5
Storyline Pretty dumb. Eat teh cartoonist! -3
0
Final Verdict: -3.25

Comments!

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The following comments after this point are old comments. Yay!

rex a (Guest) un-shut-ups:

Smilie!rex a said:I dont give a fuck
no one cares fag

rex a (Guest) forms verbage to communicate:

Smilie!the move sucked like you

rex a (Guest) splats:

Smilie!I dont give a fuck

Andy yammers:

Smilie!I IAM THE PERSON WHO MADE THE MOVIE

Andy unleashes:

Smilie!DO YOU FANCY BEEN EATING

Rawrb declares:

Smilie!Woa Marph! Someone who made this movie is here! Yay for celebritiesS1111!!1

Jason (Guest) communicates:

Smilie!This movie can be purchased in DVD form from this site:
http://www.jdigitalproduction.com/mall/SuspendedInfo.asp

I was the assistant editor on this movie. My first foray into the HD world. Pretty impressive.

Trish Bennett (Guest) unleashes:

Smilie!Suspended Animation is campy summer fare! But the real shocker is seeing the "15 year old boy", actor Fred Meyers, who also plays the Disney Channel's Even Stevens's Tom Grabalski. This guy is hot! Give me more!