Gawkman reviews it. Yep.

CHIMAIRA! CD GOOD!

This is A drunk Gawkman review. I was trying to think of a way to make this funny, but wasn'tin a funny mood, so I just decided to get plastered and see what happens.Spellcheck, don't fail menow.

I'm gonna talk about a cd by a band called Chimaira (which I picked up for over 15 bucks, ouch), which is an enemy you fightin Final Fantasy on old NES, and if you pay attention to all of Pluh.com'sreviews, like you SHOULD,then you will notice that we reviewed them opening for Fear Factory and MachineHead uhhh.... ummmmm... a while ago.That was a pretty cool show. They sold beer there. But I didn't get any beerbecause I forgot to get an armband when I waswalking in the door and

SHIT! I just timed out online. I'll have to re-login in a second. Stupiddial-up, maybe I'll get cable a modem or DSL someday. Oh well, at least I won't get buggedby people on AOL Instant Messenger. I liked ICQ better, because you can putyourself on private modeand no one will know you're online and bug you. Does anyone use ICQ anymore? Andwhy am I asking you? This reviewis read-only.

Oh yeah- the cd!

It's heavy. I like heavy. A friend of mine described it as, "Take all the thingsyou like about heavy shitand put it into one band." Well, actually I lied, that was paraphrased, heactually said it was all thethings that HE liked about heavy bands put into one. But that's not important.The point is that Shiner Bock beeris the best. Or is it? And did I even spell Shiner Bock right? Is it "Boch", or"Bock"?

Perhaps I can stay on subject if I have the cd playing. *plays the cd*Wanna know a secret? I'm not really playing the cd right now. It's out in mytruck, and I don't want togo outside because it's cold. So I'll just sing it to myself. I'm gonna play"Severed" in my head."SEEEEEEEEEVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERED!!!!" *diga diga dit-- diga diga dit-- di-di-dit,da dit* That song rules.It's has one of those awesome, creative, catchy death riffs that make you wantto kill helpless animals. Then eat them.With A1 steak sauce. Unless you prefer barbecue sauce. But I think A1 makes abarbecue sauce, too. Not sure if it's any good, though. I like that one song on the cd that's all, "Yooooooooou!!!! Have no remorseand YOOOOOOOOU!!! BLAH-BLAH-BLAH RAW-REE KNOOOOOOW!!! Something-somethingyou little c*nt!" That's cool. He gets all pissed and stuff, then it does achorus thing and goes to an awesome heavyhead-bob groove riff that just makes you sit back and go, "Yeah..." with yourfaced all scrunched up. I noticed that there'sa lot of songs on the album like that. It's a cd that finally managed to replaceHatebreed in the "Die Or I'll Kill You Bitch" category ofmust-have heavy cds. Perfect for even the most hardcore of "RAWWWWWWRRRR!!!"moods. Damnit, my foot itches. There, that's better.

MORE BEER!

So... final words on "Pass Out Of Existence" by Chimaira? Get this bitch. Playit, and play it loud. There needs tomore cds like this just flat out kickass. Hey, check out the cover, isn't thatthe little thingie from Phatasm thatattaches to people's head's and drills into their scull? It looks like thatthing. I only saw that movie once,it was awful. Probably should have done a B movie review on it. Oh well, I'm dumb. No, I'm drunk. Or I can be both at the same time, can't I not? Wait, that was a double-negative.

Anyway, hooray for heaviness! Damnit, I just finished my last beer...

Rating

Category Comment Rating
Sound/Production Excellent metal production. 4.5
Presentation You get what you expect. 4
Originality You've heard before.... 3
Songwriting ... but it's done damn well. 4.5
Deathy/Heavyness KILL! 5
0
Final Verdict: 4.2

Comments!

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The following comments after this point are old comments. Yay!

PsychoSOAD blahs:

Smilie!☺GF

PsychoslutRoboT yammers:

Smilie!The Mighty Verdect of TACOS! would be a nice rating system as well! more gear! more! gear, GEAR GEAR GEAR GEAR! your duuumb your duuuumb...and stuff.

PsychoslutRoboT plutoniums:

Smilie!The mighty verdict of DEATH!
hehe nice rating system! =]]]
Hell yeah man, Chimaira deff wrecks faces. I saw them live a few time. They sure do like to play the song SeeeeVEEEERD live alot =]] I saw them live with Fear Factory and Slipknot. Killer show. When i saw them live another time was even better, when Lamb Of God was headlining and i didn't know about them much! ...Blown away! =]]
the psychoslut robot fell inlove instantly.
Another word about Chimaira...they sure do bring some kick ass guitar tones... =] and yes, Pass Out Of Existence is the shit! and yes we need more kick ass album's... The plague of heaviness!!!!

ME(...bitch) (Guest) forms verbage to communicate:

Smilie!josh said:Chimaira isn't just another heavy band. If you listen to music like I do, you will notice that the songs are a lot deeper than just being music. You really have to listen to the cd's a lot to appreciate the full scope of Chimaira's brilliance. The review that was done deserved a sober and coherent review, not some drunk fuck babbling about random shit. Whoever this gawkman fag is needs to learn to respect music, not beer. your face is dumb!!!!!!!!!

Drax (Guest) un-shut-ups:

Smilie!-- I JUST WANTED TO SEE THIS EMOTICON UP THERE...METAL RULZ!!!

???? (Guest) evaporates:

Smilie!CHIMARIA IS A FUCKING COOL BAND IT SHOULD BE ON MTV AND M&M SHOULD MOVE HIS ASS OUT OF THE WAY

zack (Guest) bakes:

Smilie!CHIMARIA IS NOT GOOD IT GREAT AND AWSUM ITS REALL COOL I LIKE SP LIT THE BEST IT FUCKIN AWSUM

Murph dispenses:

Smilie!I wonder if he even read the review. It says nothing but good things about the band. The scores messed up cause of a new thingy that was put into the rating system.

Bonus for the highly original insult though. I'm sure it harmed us all here at Pluh.com quite deeply.

Gawkman yammers:

Smilie!I really need to update the scores with the new scores so that people don't htink I'm bashing the bands.

Oh well, until that I'll just have to remain a drunk, incoherant fag that knows nothing about music.

Josh excretes:

Smilie!Chimaira isn't just another heavy band. If you listen to music like I do, you will notice that the songs are a lot deeper than just being music. You really have to listen to the cd's a lot to appreciate the full scope of Chimaira's brilliance. The review that was done deserved a sober and coherent review, not some drunk fuck babbling about random shit. Whoever this gawkman fag is needs to learn to respect music, not beer.