Gawkman reviews it. Yep.
CHIMAIRA! CD GOOD!
This is A drunk Gawkman review. I was trying to think of a way to make this funny, but wasn'tin a funny mood, so I just decided to get plastered and see what happens.Spellcheck, don't fail menow.
I'm gonna talk about a cd by a band called Chimaira (which I picked up for over 15 bucks, ouch), which is an enemy you fightin Final Fantasy on old NES, and if you pay attention to all of Pluh.com'sreviews, like you SHOULD,then you will notice that we reviewed them opening for Fear Factory and MachineHead uhhh.... ummmmm... a while ago.That was a pretty cool show. They sold beer there. But I didn't get any beerbecause I forgot to get an armband when I waswalking in the door and
SHIT! I just timed out online. I'll have to re-login in a second. Stupiddial-up, maybe I'll get cable a modem or DSL someday. Oh well, at least I won't get buggedby people on AOL Instant Messenger. I liked ICQ better, because you can putyourself on private modeand no one will know you're online and bug you. Does anyone use ICQ anymore? Andwhy am I asking you? This reviewis read-only.
It's heavy. I like heavy. A friend of mine described it as, "Take all the thingsyou like about heavy shitand put it into one band." Well, actually I lied, that was paraphrased, heactually said it was all thethings that HE liked about heavy bands put into one. But that's not important.The point is that Shiner Bock beeris the best. Or is it? And did I even spell Shiner Bock right? Is it "Boch", or"Bock"?
Perhaps I can stay on subject if I have the cd playing. *plays the cd*Wanna know a secret? I'm not really playing the cd right now. It's out in mytruck, and I don't want togo outside because it's cold. So I'll just sing it to myself. I'm gonna play"Severed" in my head."SEEEEEEEEEVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERED!!!!" *diga diga dit-- diga diga dit-- di-di-dit,da dit* That song rules.It's has one of those awesome, creative, catchy death riffs that make you wantto kill helpless animals. Then eat them.With A1 steak sauce. Unless you prefer barbecue sauce. But I think A1 makes abarbecue sauce, too. Not sure if it's any good, though. I like that one song on the cd that's all, "Yooooooooou!!!! Have no remorseand YOOOOOOOOU!!! BLAH-BLAH-BLAH RAW-REE KNOOOOOOW!!! Something-somethingyou little c*nt!" That's cool. He gets all pissed and stuff, then it does achorus thing and goes to an awesome heavyhead-bob groove riff that just makes you sit back and go, "Yeah..." with yourfaced all scrunched up. I noticed that there'sa lot of songs on the album like that. It's a cd that finally managed to replaceHatebreed in the "Die Or I'll Kill You Bitch" category ofmust-have heavy cds. Perfect for even the most hardcore of "RAWWWWWWRRRR!!!"moods. Damnit, my foot itches. There, that's better.
So... final words on "Pass Out Of Existence" by Chimaira? Get this bitch. Playit, and play it loud. There needs tomore cds like this just flat out kickass. Hey, check out the cover, isn't thatthe little thingie from Phatasm thatattaches to people's head's and drills into their scull? It looks like thatthing. I only saw that movie once,it was awful. Probably should have done a B movie review on it. Oh well, I'm dumb. No, I'm drunk. Or I can be both at the same time, can't I not? Wait, that was a double-negative.
Anyway, hooray for heaviness! Damnit, I just finished my last beer...
|Sound/Production||Excellent metal production.||4.5|
|Presentation||You get what you expect.||4|
|Originality||You've heard before....||3|
|Songwriting||... but it's done damn well.||4.5|
|Final Verdict: 4.2|