Wesely Snipes returns for his third and "final" Blade movie.

What Happened to Vampires?

Vampires used to be cool. They were all well dressed and stuff and turned into bats and sucked blood and wrote run-on sentences and slept in coffins that were all spooky and they could get out of them without moving their legs. Vampires used to be very elusive, spooky, and scary. Then, like everything else, the techno-pumping, MTV vampires started showing up. Movies like Dracula 2000 and Underworld came out showing vampires that jumped around like rabid monkeys and just wanted to kill everything because it sounded like a good idea at the time.

The Blade franchise took vampires and turned them into a goth/rave loving group, that partied a lot and ate people because it was fun, and kept them alive. This was an interesting take on modern vampires, but really, when you become a vampire do you automatically begin loving techno music? Where are the button-down, business-man vampires? Where are the vampire lawyers and vampire used car salesmen? I'm sure there's at least one vampire out there that enjoys sushi and listening to Kenny G by the fire.


A sophisticated vampire.

Dracula is in This One

There have been many, many portrayals of Dracula, and one would think that the Blade franchise's version would be something pretty awesome to behold. Well you would think wrong Mr. Wrongy Thinky Man! Maybe you should get your degree in incorrect assumptions because you're 1 for 1 right now!

Dracula (or as they call him in Blade Trinity; "Drake" ...ugh) is not really that awesome. He's a shape shifter, but he doesn't change into anything cool, and his final version kinda looks like the bad guys from the first film, which were wiped out. The final battle of Blade vs Dracula isn't very epic either, as you would imagine it should be. Fairly identical to the final battles in the first two films, just a different face being punched.

Other Vampire Killer Peoples!

Besides Blade and Whistler, there are some other vampire killers that help Blade this time around. Jessica Beil plays the obligatory hot tough chick who kills stuff, while Ryan Reynolds gives the film MUCH needed comic relief. Ryan Reynolds' character, Hannibal King, is one of the only things that makes this movie worth seeing. Also are some other vampire hunter helper people, including Patton Oswalt, who is one the most hilarious standup comedians I've ever seen, yet has not one funny line of dialogue to work with.

While the new characters keep things at least a bit fresh, they really don't make much sense, as they just kinda show up for no explained reason. Also, they actually take away from Blade's super bad-ass, "only guy who can stand up to the vampires" persona.

Another thing that bugged me about the movie is that no matter where anyone was, everyone knew where to find them. The police easily found Blade's hideout, "Drake" easily found the new vampire hunter's hideout, and Blade easily found the bad guy's evil lair. There was no explaining why everyone knew where everyone was, although I think there was a lame "cop stakeout" on Whistler for no reason what-so-ever, since I have no idea how Whistler would be associated with Blade in the first place.


Walkin' all badass and stuff.

End of the Review!

Whether or not this will be the last Blade movie has yet to be seen, but the tagline is "Prepare for the Final Hunt." The ending really doesn't tell you what happens to everyone, so who knows if there are still vampires everywhere or what. All in all, the movie had some cool fight scenes and effects, and the comedy by Ryan Reynolds was well placed and much needed, but there really isn't much else. This is the worst of the Blade movies, but that still doesn't mean the franchise is dead, it just needs to stay fresh, and this one didn't.

Rating

Category Comment Rating
Originality Really nothing new from the last two films. The 2nd Blade was more original than this one. 2
Acting Good enough, Wesely Snipes doesn't really have to use all of his talent to play a character like Blade, but Ryan Reynolds brings some much needed comic relief to the movie. 3.5
Soundtrack TERRIBLE techno music plauges most of the movie, most of the time I thought it was a joke. 1.5
Effects/Presentation Great effects, good fight scenes. 4
Storyline Boring, nothing new for the franchise, SO much more was expected from DRACULA. 2
0
Final Verdict: 2.6

Comments!

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The following comments after this point are old comments. Yay!

noa (Guest) un-shut-ups:

Smilie!I love beer

Pain in my anus (Guest) evaporates:

Smilie!This movie sucked. There wasn't one thing I liked about it, because it's just a repeat of the other two pretty much... only the first one is worth a damn.

Ryan Reynolds isn't cool in this! He sucks, just like Jessica Biel did to me this morning when I woke up with a hard on.

At least HHH was in it, but he didn't even do one obligatory pedigree. WTF???

Pete splats:

Smilie!Blood is good, blood is good, and stuff!...let's go drink some BLOOD...BHLLOOD! Uknow the rest of the lyrics.

Pete absolves:

Smilie!Do you like techno/electrenica music of any kind? I guess the people who know only two things, jack and shit (but jack already left town) about this genre of music seem to pick the songs. BTW: Checkout the site www.di.fm it has some real beats.

Backspace! vocalizes:

Smilie!I agree totally with Murph on this one. The first two Blades kicked Ass (in comparison) - and without Canadian (sorry have to put that in..ar ar) Ryan Reynolds, this movie would be deader then the vampires' Blade "takes care of". Whistler's daughter..that was to me free boobay moment at that is all... nothing else. I think Wesley is a much better actor than the Blade Franchise brings about even though it is produced by his own production company Amen Ra - but this last one...was simply not the cool Blade I love to watch although his fight scenes still work for me...and great eye candy for the girls when Ryan Reynolds is shirtless during a fight sequence...WHAT you guys have the boobays...we want something too!!! Great review Murph..dead on, on this one!

Dracula (Guest) absolves:

Smilie!I vant to suck j00r blud!

I am internet vampyre! AHR@AH#ERH
Blade: Trinity: Poster!
She's got a bow... nothing clever.
He's supah slidin!
Blade, in all of his bad-assery.
Yay! Hottie vampire killer of killing vampire hottiness.
I don't know.