I AM DRACULA AND I AM A STUPID GUY WHO WANTS TO SUCK YOUR BLOOD THAT CONTAINS PLASMA, RED BLOOD CELLS (THOSE ARE MY FAVORITE) AND WHITE BLOOD CELLS! THIS MAKES ME EVIL!

I first heard of this movie when my ass was planted to my couch, trying to figure out why my girlfriend watched all this crap on TV. Then, the 'Teaser' for Dracula 2000 cam on during one of the commercials.

"Will you take me to see that?" she asks, with a threatening look in her eye.
"Do I have a choice?" I respond.
"...no."

So, a few weeks later, we head on down to the theater to see the show.

I'll do your basic summary, and tell you what I thought:

Some old guy defeated Dracula, but couldn't kill him. Instead, he imprisioned him inside a steel coffin (or silver, I don't remember) and threw it in his high security basement.

So then, some bright young thieves, one of them being a hot supermodel type, break into this basement thinking, "Hey! It's under high security, so there's gotta be something worth stealing!" So, they search and search, and search and search and search, and after searching some more, they bump into the *insert minor, gloomy chord here* silver coffin. So they think, "Okay, there's gotta be some treasure in here. It would be funny if it was some vampire though! HAHAH! I AM FUNNY!"

...so it turns out to be--

WOA! I better stop there! I don't want to SPOIL the movie for you, now do I?

I've seen lots of vampire movies, and I have to say, this is one of the worst ones. Even Buffy the Vampire Slayer with Christy Swanson (the original movie - not the gimpy tv show) was better than this. And that movie blew all sorts of goats, cows, and other assorted farm animals.

This movie went wrong in so many ways - for instance, the guy playing Dracula didn't quite scare me enough. He looked like some guy you pull out of an 80s rock concert, along with some funny speech problem. On top of that, he just was weak. And boring. And dumb. And he claimed to be a pimp, but only banged like 2 chicks. TWO.

That, my friend, is not the Dracula I knew.

And the other 'actors.' All they really were are the usual decent bunch of pretty faces gathered to horribly portray some stupid epic tale on the silver screen. Same old crap as before, now just tossed in the air with an old story brought back to life. They did fairly well, but not well enough to have me walking out of the theater spooging all over myself.

So, in conclusion, I have to say that just because it's a vampire movie doesn't make it a cool movie. Want to see a well done vamp flick, check out Interview with the Vampire. That was a damn good show.

Rating

Category Comment Rating
Originality Wow, a movie about vampires. 2
Acting GUUUH. 1.5
Soundtrack Cool heavy bands on soundtrack = gooooood. 4.5
Effects/Presentation Some cool gross bloody parts of death! 3.5
Storyline Well...it had a plot. And it...had actors. 1.5
0
Final Verdict: 2.6

Comments!

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The following comments after this point are old comments. Yay!

Scarecrow evaporates:

Smilie!The only good part about this movie was the sex scene on the ceiling...

Rawrb verbalizes:

Smilie!maggie said:I'm not really a vampire. lol Liar!

maggie (Guest) verbalizes:

Smilie!I'm not really a vampire. lol

maggie (Guest) yammers:

Smilie!Whoever wrote this screenplay seriously needs to die a horrible death. What's that shit about Dracula being Judas? That's bullshit and there wasn't one decent actor among them. Oh, well. I was looking forward to a good vampire movie. After all, I am one!