Another comic book movie; Fantastic Four, does stuff that stuff and then I describe the review of the movie. HTML.

Fantastic Four! Whee! Another comic book movie! Now I really like comics, and I enjoy nearly every comic book movie that's been coming out to at least some extent. I suppose Fantastic Four isn't an exception; I did enjoy a few pieces of it. Unfortunately, it was kindof like eating a shit popsicle with raisons. I like raisons, but there weren't very many in this particular shit popsicle.

Knarlardge!

First off, I didn't go into the movie with a WHOLE lot of knowledge about the Fantastic Four story. I knew their origins, I knew their names and powers, and I knew Dr. Doom was really awesome. Other than that, I really had no other knowledge of what to expect. After seeing a couple of trailers I knew that Ben Grimm was going to jump in front of a semi, lift a fire truck, and throw a car. I don't think this counts a spoiler, but that's ALL the stuff that The Thing does in the movie. In fact, there is not one action sequence in the entire movie that is not shown in the first couple trailers for Fantastic Four.


The comic book Dr. Doom was cooler!

Starryar!

So why should I even review the action sequences? You've seen them all. Unless you're terribly interested in seeing Johnny Storm snowboard and motocross randomly, I'd say you've seen all the cool parts. The interaction between Johnny Storm and Ben Grimm is great. It's the one thing that I wished there was more of. In fact, a sitcom staring the two messing with each-other would be more interesting than this flick. Mr. Fantastic and The Invisible Woman are pretty boring. I have no interest in their romance that fell apart and now is coming together that they have super awesome powers.

A large majority of the movie deals with the Four trying to get rid of their powers. That's it. Dr. Doom randomly walks around (sans costume) and kills people as a "subplot," but there is no comic book battle action whatsoever in the first 3/4 of the movie. There is a bit with Ben Grimm trying to deal with being transformed into a big monster guy, but I really had no feelings for the character. Batman Begins is an example of how a comic book movie can make you CARE about its characters. Ben Grimm's story could have been a great backbone of the plot, but it takes the easy way out of hooking him up with a blind woman. And not even well, they just meet in a bar and suddenly everything's happy.

Carst!

As far as the cast goes, the only people I liked were Chris Evans as Johnny and Michael Chiklis as Ben. Ioan Gruffudd and Jessica Alba aren't necessarily BAD actors in the movie, but they're way too young to be the characters from the comic. I just don't buy that their super scientists or that getting superpowers had any affect on them whatsoever. Julian McMahon as Dr. Doom was ok, I guess, it was just the writing of the character that sucked. I mean, come on! He's DR. DOOM. The super badass villain! He doesn't even do anything in this movie. If anything he just blatantly rips off an idea he got after watching Spider-man's Green Goblin. The story of the two are nearly identical.


Prepare for the Mediocre!

Effectars!

Now, the effects. Pretty mediocre. Not really awful, but they seriously look dated. In particular, Mr. Fantastic's stretchyness. I always thought he had the coolest power in the Fantastic Four. Not necessarily for fighting, but just imagine how lazy one could be with powers like that! Anyway, it's safe to say that I didn't like this movie. The ONE action sequence at the end was lame. Super lame. Super ultra mega Power Rangers pilot episode lame. Spider-man fighting random thugs is cooler than the final battle in this movie. Ah well, at least there's two more on the way.

Rating

Category Comment Rating
Originality Nothing we haven't seen before. 1.5
Acting The acting's not BAD, but the casting isn't great either. 3
Soundtrack Random X-Games "heavy" rock whenever Johnny is on the screen. 2
Effects/Presentation Effects do the job, but are pretty dated. Worst is Mr. Fantastic's strech ability. Bad action sequences. 2.5
Storyline Pointless. Nothing happens. 2
0
Final Verdict: 2.2

Comments!

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The following comments after this point are old comments. Yay!

Rawrb un-shut-ups:

Smilie!Finally saw this movie. HORRIBLE!

Scarecrow dispenses:

Smilie!Damien was cool as pre-Doom, but when he transformed they should have gotten a different guy... Someone bigger! They also should have dubbed his voice because you can't me made of metal and sound like Rico Suave, even if you ARE evil...

Also, turning Ben back to normal is supposed to take a ridiculous amount of power, but after Doom DOES turn him back to normal, Ben hops back in the machine and turns BACK into the rock monster...which doesn't make sense since he didn't have Doom to power the machine anymore!

And yeah... That ending fight scene was FUCKING HORRIBLE. Dr. Doom NEVER would have went out THAT DAMN EASY... IT WAS RI-GOD-DAMNED-DICULOUS!!!

Rawrb evaporates:

Smilie!Ninja babies!

Rawrb discharges:

Smilie!Rawrb destroys your face.

Rawrb verbalizes:

Smilie!I am testing a comment. Your face reminds me of sauce.

A lot.

Rawrb bakes:

Smilie!Oh snazz, you are right!

Tuba (Guest) pizzas:

Smilie!Fantastic Four? More like, Fantastic BORE! AM I RITE?!

Rawrb yammers:

Smilie!Blondeaux still wants to go see it, because he wants to see THING kill!
The Mediocre Four!
Science is scientific.
Tough actin' Tinactin.
Mean face!
Benny Grimsley
Fantastic Four!
Physician Catastrophe!!
It's that guy that plays that other guy in that movie that that guy that is me was talking about sometime.
Romance!