Robert Downey Jr. puts the drugs down and makes a movie about TONY STAWRK! Him and IRAWRN MAYUNN! He's not a Mega Man villain either. Awh.

Ahhh, comic book movies. They're making more comic books into them thar crazy movies these days. Funny thing is there's a 70/30 good/bad factor in them. Good comic book movies include:

  • X-men (all 3)
  • Spiderman (all 3)
  • Batman Begins
  • Superman Returns

Bad ones?

  • Fantasic Four (both)
  • Hellboy
  • Spawn
  • Daredevil

Yeah. So what does Iron Man fall under? Looks like you HAVE TO KEEP READING!

pB Man!

Tony Stark is a genious. Tony Stark is a weapons genious. Tony Stark makes money selling weapons. Tony Stark gets laid a lot. Tony Stark has a huge house. Tony Stark has awesome cars. Tony Stark is in need of a life lesson.

Iron Mayunn!
Cue that fucking Ozzy Song!

Thus Tony Stark gets captured and learns a LIFE LESSON! Enter Iron Man, 0.5 BETA!

Casting the Cast in Castington

You know how Hugh Jackman is an uncanny Wolverine? Well Robert Downey Jr is an uncanny Tony Stark. He almost looks exactly like Stark in the comics, right down to that funky goatee thing he has. Not only does he look like Starky (CHRONO CROSS REFERENCDE LOLS), his performance is extremely entertaining. In fact the dialogue is so well written you're even completely hooked in between explosions and fight scenes.

That's not so bad, eh?

Blast awrfh!
What happens if you don't moisturize!

And who would have thought that Jeff Bridges could play a (SLIGHT SPOILER WARNING) bad guy? Yep, he did. And he did fairly well. From "The Dude" to "power hungry nice guy", Bridges comes out of nowhere and tackles you with OMG and possibly, ICBI.

Only performance that was a bit lacking was Gwenthelith Palmthrow. Geez she has a weird name. Anyway, Gwennie seems a bit bland and was my least favorite part of the movie, but luckily that made up for explosions and IRAWRN MAN!

Do you feel... STARK... TERROR?

Good comic book movies aren't so uncommon nowadays, and GREAT ones will pop up out of nowhere. Iron Man was pure entertaining badassery, and even if your girlfriend hates everything, take her to see this movie. She'll put out if you use some bad puns such as, "It's not at all a STARK for you to want my IRON MAN."

Enjoy or be crushed!


Category Comment Rating
Originality I was pleasantly suprised at how original the characters were. 4.5
Acting They acted their way out of an iron paper bag! 4.5
Soundtrack It works, though Ozzy isn't my favorite. 4
Effects/Presentation Top NOTCH. Downy Jr looks exactly like Stark from the comics. 5
Storyline Really good! 4.5
One Liners HAR HAR HAR 4.5
Final Verdict: 4.5


blog comments powered by Disqus
The following comments after this point are old comments. Yay!

RubyGoodyBoo absolves:

Smilie!Iron Man made me happy. (Unlike all spiderman movies, last two x-men movies, and batman begins)

This was a pretty good review of Iron Man.

Simple, yet oh so intelligent.

Ebert should start reviewing movies in this way.
March 27th 2009, 6:24 AM

Morceman vocalizes:

Smilie!lol, Pb (First letter capital, second lowercase) is Lead, not Iron. Iron is Fe. Also, it isn't genious, but genius (no 'o'). Other than that, I've gotta say that I agree with most of this review!
February 21st 2009, 2:22 AM

Murph says in non-morse code:

Smilie!X-Men 3 made me want to murder. MURDER. I remember we went to see X2 when I was in phoenix and that one is, in my opinion, the best one. 3 made me want to poop. POOP AND MURDER.
December 17th 2008, 5:19 AM
He gets his iron from Cheerios!
Dramatic hero pose!
The ground had it coming.
*cue boss music*
She asked me to pick up the kids, but this is ridiculous.
The extreme version of athlete's foot.
Goddamn Window's Vista.
Iron Armor + 3!
He needs a coat of paint.
Hope he's not goin' commando. That would chaffe.
Random hottie Stark pokes.
Gambling makes him feel heroic!
A fairly nice car.
"C'mon man, just chill out... man!"
We're supporting actors!
I love blowing shit up THIS MUCH!
The newest generation of legos.
Worlds most dangerous pez dispenser.
Firmest handshake ever.
This was a difficult pose for the cast.