Smart raptors, big dinos, stupid blonde chick, smart Grant, a parachute, and a candy bar. What do these things have in common? No, YOUR MOM! Your mom is so fat, when a T-Rex eats her, it becomes really FULL! OOH!

The first time I saw the first Jurassic Park movie was back in the day, early 90s, with my dad. We were all, "Ooh!" and, "Ahh!" at the special effects. Like when the T-Rex ate the lawyer off the toilet! HAHAH! Stupid lawyer! You can't sue Mr. T-Rex after you were splattered through his digestive track!

Well, unfortunately in this Jurassic Park, there no lawyers get eaten. Ooops, was that a spoiler? Yup. No? I don't care. But what you should know is this:

  1. This movie is better than the cheesy 'Lost World' prequel.
  2. Grant is in here.
  3. There are the stupid people who try to run from a T-Rex.
  4. Some people are stupid enough to go to an island with giant creatures that will eat them.
  5. There is a candy bar in this movie.

Humans taste better than Ankylosaurus!

I hated Jurassic Park II. Seriously - when the T-Rex busted into the city like Godzilla, I just shook my head in utter disgust. I was very worried that this sequel was going to suck more suckage, but you should be pleased to know that this time around, the movie is better than decent. Quite better than that actually - you might be pleased.

There are some major goofs in this though. First of all, some of the acting is rather poopie. Tea Leoni (you know, David Duchovony's bitch) did a horrendous job in this movie. Or maybe it was her stupid character that was stupid. She plays the typical, "Oh, look at me, I'm scared of monsters and thingies that I over-react and end up in worser situations because I'm stupid as hell" chick. Yeah, you know the ones. It's like Jennifer Love Hewitt in her stupid 'I know what you did last summer" movies. I was like, "Stupid hot bimbo! Why don't you just walk into the hook?"

But the effects were stunning, as usual. Raptors had individual markings this time around, there are more giant predators other than the T-Rex (oh man, wait till you see the T-Rex fight scene), some flying dinos, stupid dinos, and the dinos you want to cook on a bar-buh-que with some baked puh-tae-ters. Of course, the thing that hurts this movie are the lack of boobies. Every movie must have boobies. So therefore, it lost a 'Pluh' because of this incompetency.


Category Comment Rating
Originality Dinosaurs want to eat people. Gee, no one has ever done that before! 3
Acting Good, aside from the blonde chick. 3
Soundtrack It has the JP theme! I played it in band in Junior High! 4
Effects/Presentation Better than ever! DINO DEATHY KILL! 4.5
Storyline Nowhere near as good as the first... 3
Final Verdict: 3.5


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