Well, much waiting. Actually, NOTHING BUT WAITING. STUPID! After the somewhat good, yet vividly attrocious Episode I, CAPTAIN GEORGE LUCAS steps forward with a sequal prequal! OOH!

Star Wars. It's old and new, and it's one of those things that almost everyone likes. The original trilogy was something along the lines of, errhm, groundbreaking. Nearly every critic who has reviewed any Star Wars movie, usually farts on it and EATS IT LIKE A PIECE OF GORF!

I just want to remind all of you that I'm not one of those critics. I'm not one of those goobars that sit there and go, "Two Thumbs Up!" and "5 Moons! I mean, STARS!" I think those guys are DUMB. They make a living by putting their boogars on movies that they dislike, and that is stupid. So, I review this movie as a Star Wars fan, and not a guy who is a movie critic guy person.

LIGHT SABAR!

So, this is like 10 years after Episode One. Palpatine is the head guy at the Republic Senate. Obi-Wan grew a beard, but it's not all GREY and stuff like when he's oldar. Anakin (Annie for short, like a FEMAIL, HA HA HA) is now older and has been trained in teh Jedi ways. In other words, 10 years have passed, and things have changed! OOOH!

So, are you thinking, "Is it a STAR WARS MOVIE KAYN?!"

No, it's not a Star Wars Movie Kayn. It's a Star Wars Movie. Mostly. Allow me to explain.

Blasters, Transports, and Light Sabers are existent. All the sounds, aliens, and soundtrack were there. At most points, the movie felt like Star Wars. I wanted to wield a Light Sabar and kill bad things. I wanted to hop around with the force and force things around using this force thing, thus I would forcefully use the force for forceful type things. WITH THE FORCE! Yeah. So, there you go.

It's a COW TICK THANGS!

"What...this is Star Shit, not Star Wars!" - Joebob

The movie has a lot of good things going for it. Effects, Jar Jar's very much briefness, presentation, the most of the storyline. However, there are many small things that become tumor like in a cancerous cell that is mutated.

First and foremost, the dialouge is rather bad. Well, okay, in my opinion, the Anakin/Amidala love crap is executed rather bad. His pickup lines were rather...poop. I often found myself laughing at moments where you shouldn't laugh. These were mostly the love scenes. It's a love story, right? Well, compared to the Leia/Han love stuff, it stanks a lot.

In a nutshelly thing, the acting was well executed, but the writing was below par. The only thing that put this movie in the theaters, IMO, is the fact that it's Star Wars and it's guaranteed to make money. Stupid money!

Nutshells = TEH FARCE!

There's really not much more to say, except this: If you are a Star Wars fayunn, you'll like it. If you aren't a Star Wars fan, avoid this movie at all costs. (That was fer mah honey thang, heh heh)

Rating

Category Comment Rating
Originality Star Wars is as original as you can get. 4.5
Acting Eeeh... 3
Soundtrack Cool Star Wars shit! 4.5
Effects/Presentation Wow. Very much wow! 5
Storyline Well, it could be worse...I mean, Jar Jar could have found a girlfriend. 3
Lack of Jar-Jar He still made an appearance, which is why this ain't a 5. 4.5
Final Verdict: 4.08

Comments!

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The following comments after this point are old comments. Yay!

Pain in my anus (Guest) declares:

Smilie!I like Mexican girls... they're much sexier and fun to be around than cracker bitches

Caius Agrippa Licinius Americanicus (Guest) plutoniums:

Smilie!I would appreciate a response, ow! Keep cool mah babies!

Caius Agrippa Licinius Americanicus (Guest) splats:

Smilie![just entered text so will not be called stupid ... hopefully]

Caius Agrippa Licinius Americanicus (Guest) discharges:

Smilie!I have a three-year-old daughter and I live in San Antonio Texas. Its really hot down here, and there are way too many Mexicans for me, but the Alamo is nice, once and again. Take care, check back with you later.

Caius Agrippa Licinius Americanicus (Guest) evaporates:

Smilie!By the way, I play chess professionally, and I am also a graduate of Harvard University and a film school.

Caius Agrippa Licinius Americanicus (Guest) dispenses:

Smilie!I am very interested in the languages of French, Latin, Spanish, Russian, and of course, English (I speak all of them). I am a student of political philosophy and I enjoy ancient history. My favorite historical charcater is Napoleon Bonaparte, and I know virtually everything there is to know about the history of the Napoleonic Wars - everything.
It it hot, or is it my boogers?
Two supar Jedi Knights!
George isn't that skinny!
Teh first Star Wars movie with NIPPALS!