Murph, our random editor, manages to make words come together to form sentences that critique Vertical Limit. BLoogar!

Ah, the disaster travel movie thingys. So...the same. Whether your stuck in a space shuttle, on a raft in the ocean, or in a friggin' well; we've seen it all. Any possible way man can be trapped, scared, or faced with even the slightest danger, a movie is made out of it. Soon we'll see previews for a movie about a kid that gets lost in the mall and can't find his mommy. *Comming soon from Universal: I Left Him in the Shoe Isle*

In Vertical Limit they travel team is trapped on a mountain under, well, uh...snow. With a Cliff Hanger-Style intro; a pair of twins, their dad, and two random hicks are climbing a mountain and having a gay 'ol time. The stupid hicks start trying to shoot chickens or something and fall from the near top. The five people are then all hanging from each other in a large line. (witch looked friggin' hilarious I might add) Anyway, blah blah blah, yakity smakity, the father and hicks die. While no one gives to rotting goat intestines about the hicks, the twins are sad and stuff about thier dad.

Anyway, one twin becomes super-duper climbing lady of goodness, and one takes pictures for National Geographic...witch by the way was the portal to my first view of tits. Anyway, the twins cross paths at some mountain that she's climbing and he's looking for titties to take pictures of. They are also in the middle of a war field with Pakistani and Indians...WHAT?!?

So yeah, sis goes on mountain, gets stuck, bro is brave and daring and da da da, goin to save her. He puts together 3 teams of two. Him and a indian dude, comic relief 1 and a pakistani, comic relief 2 and a hottie nurse lady. Then, a Cheech Martin look a like takes them as high as he can with his hellycoopter, with lots of pointless problems between. Yay to the blooshka.

One thing that always bothers me here (don't read on if you don't wanna know who dies) is that the funny people (aka: "comic relief") ALWAYS die. Why? What's the point? In The Haunting only one person dies and guess what?!? IT'S THE FUNNY GUY!! Damn you funny guy haters!! Damn you all to hellll!!! Yeah, the funny guy's die, the hottie nurse lives. (of course, who else is the star gonna make out with in the end? The sister?? You sick bastard!!)

So yeah, stuff blows up, people fall off cliffs, one dude is killed...all in all 6 guys die to save this one chick...sexist? A little? No? Cream and sugar? One lump or two? Idiocy, if the brother just decided "eh" it'd all be done and fun, and only 3 people dead instead of 6! But who cares? The star is happy, he's got his sis, he's making out with a hottie nurse...all is fine and dandy! THE HELL WITH THE FUNNY GUYS!! DAMMIT!! AHHHHHH!!! *takes ritalin, calms down*

Ok, ok, ok, ok, ok...lastly the effects. Full truthness, a lot of times it looks like a cartoon. Yes, a cartoon. They compooter generate EVERYTHING!! Birds, helicopters, friggin' people! Yes, at times people are computer generated...I guess it cuts down on costs of hiring a stunt man. The fact that every tent is a very bright primary color in perfect condition with no snow on them doesn't help either...and the rock looks like cement.

Well, yes, that is my two cents. I know I can be cruel at times, but the fact that I didn't really like this movie all that much compromises my judgement...I guess.


Category Comment Rating
Originality Oh no! I'm on a mountain! 1
Acting "Oh no! I'm on a mountain!" 2
Soundtrack On a mountain type music 3
Effects/Presentation Stuff blows up...I like that, but also looks like Toy Story 3. 3.5
Storyline Ugh. 2.5
Final Verdict: 2.4


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Rawrb splats:

Smilie!Oh no! I'm on a mountain!