Here comes Murph with his first gaming review. A half-life incarnation thingy called Gunman Chronicles or something. BLAAAH! MURPH IS A POO! POO POO POO POO!

I remember the day I first played Half-Life. It wasChristmas Eve 1999 and I bought the game earlier thatweek for my brothers... yeah. I think to this day mybrothers have played it a total of 3 times, but thisis irrelevant. I loved the game, blowing up stuff wastaken to a new level of goodness. I could interactwith my environments, shoot some really badass aliens,and fight some purdy smart army dudes. The game waslong, witch was good, and all in all I was fulfilled. Soon after came the release of Opposing Force, witch Ialso purchased and enjoyed. A bit shorter than theoriginal, but you can only expect such from anexpansion. I was again fulfilled and happy.

Then, one year later while looking around Best Buyand yelling "ACTION MAYUHN!" when seeing the games onthe shelves I came across another game off theHalf-Life engine: Gunman Chronicles. I looked in itan on the back and saw bigger aliens, dinosauruses,tanks, and western fighter dudes. I noted this game,and made sure that it would be purchased on my behavefor Christmas. Sure enough Grandma came through withsome boxers, Mentos, a pen for some reason, and GunmanChronicles.

When I got home I got set up, popped in the game,threw on some Snot, and got ready for some oldfashioned shoot-em-up fun. It was installed, I set upmy controls, and I was ready. The loading screen camethrough and in small lettering said "Gunman:Chronicles". The game faded in, and much like theoriginal Half-Life, you start in a little transportthingy with some lady talking about her period orsomething. I started to walk and look around, nothinghappened. I was confoosed, I tried again... nothing. I flailed the mouse and pushed the buttons wildly...nothing. I sat back and stared at the screen,suddenly, my guy was doing all the stuff I told him toabout 30 seconds ago, the controls were very delayed. I exited the game, did the little console thingy, andput in the magic gl_d3dflip 1. It worked and I washappy. My computer doesn't suck THAT much balls.

I played for about an hour, if that. I got off thefirst planet, and did a lot on the second, thingsseemed to be flying by. The difficulty climbing veryslowly, if much at all. It was late so I decided tosleep, no school or work the next day, so I'd havesome time to play. Hehehe, that rhymed. Um yeah,anyway...where was I? Oh yes. You see; when a pizzasays to bake for 10 minutes at 300 degrees, it doesn'talso mean 5 minutes at 600 degrees. And no, giraffesdo not eat pizza, no matter what Sears says... wait,no... DAMN!

So anyway, I played for maybe two hours the next dayand beat the game. I was like "WHATCHABUTCHA?!?!" Ididn't even get to blow anything up good! On top ofthat, it was easier than that blue haired girl I metat that Soulfly show... I mean, it wasn't hard at all! Do these people actually think that it would takelonger than a few hours to beat this thing? Thepuzzles were repetitive, you get to fight ONE boss,AND DON'T EVEN KILL IT! (it runs away, then someoneelse blows him up, lucky bastards)

The environment interaction that I loved fromHalf-Life was cut to a bare minimum, the only thingyou really do interact with is some black lady-voicedmachine... then again everything she does has nothingto do with you. There are no cool police guys thatfollow you, all the scientist are just like "You suck! I hope you die! Don't kill me... bitch" The DEMO ofHalf-Life was better than this game, that's how easyand pointless it is. I honestly have spent more timeplaying Kung Fu for Nintendo.

One thing that was really cool though was theintroduck-ton. I don't know why, but it felt likesomething out of one of the old Star Wars Movies. Decent voice acting and just good action throughout,it's too bad there aren't anymore, even though that'snot in the good 'ol Half-Life style. Other than thatthe textures are good, and the characters look decent. Character animation could have been a lot moredetailed, especially when you blow up one a demgyrocopter thingies.

All in all the game was a very good idea, that waseither rushed or the people who made it just didn'tcare. If you haven't played Half-Life or OpposingForce, give Gunman a chance. Maybe I'm just toospoiled from the greatness that is Half-Life, or maybeI'm just thirsty... who knows.


Category Comment Rating
Gameplay Fun while it lasts. 3.5
Graphics Not bad, the dinos are particularly nice. 4
Music/Sound Fairly good score, it fits and stuff. 4.5
Replay Value Good moments, but far too short. 1.5
Originality Half-life with dinos. That is all. 2.5
Final Verdict: 3.2


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Rawrb splats:

Smilie!Murph old review!~ I FOUND A STRING