No! STUPID FEMININITY! Can it get any more worser?! I want to make a collect call now! QUIT LOOKING SO DAMN GOOD!

Damnit, every time I think about doing a new pluhbabe review, the first thing that pops up in my brain is, "What was the name of that Eva Savealot Chick? She definately hot, and should very promptly become a pluhbabe."

Who's the Boss? NOT YOU!

I couldn't ever remember her name. And as I'm listening to Glassjaw, her name suddenly appeared out of nowhere. Glassjaw, of all bands. If you know who they are, trust me, hot chicks are really the last thing on your mind...

For those who don't know who she is, look back into the mid 80s and early 90s as she was on Who's the Boss (I think), that show being her debut appearance. Of course, she was a little girl on that show. After Who's the Boss was cancelled, I think she went into some strange hybernation/incubation where she suddenly became a 100% genuine hottie.

Horny Scientist: Hey! Let's put the little girl Alyssa Milano in our Supreme Hottie Creator Chamber for the positive purpose of b00bage and being the biggest tease of all time!
Assistant: But sir, according to human nature, her estrogenic hormonal glands will kick in and the b00bage will come in due time.
Horny Scientist: Shut the f*ck up! (dropping pants) I'm the damn scientist here! There's no time for stupid hormonal glands! Now Britanny Spears is about to emerge from her chamber. Have we added her 'stupid pop-crap with a pretty face' injection?

Since Miss Milano's transformation, she has appeared on a few syndicated shows, such as Melrose Place, some other show, and that stupid witch show on the WB. Why do I say stupid?

Because it's the stupidest crap I've ever seen.

Charmed... sucks.

Now, still on that stupid witch show, she's doing commercials for 1-800-collect as 'Eva Savealot.' Her role in this is quite simple, and 100 times better than that gimpy ass triple witch show.

1. Some idiot can't find a quarter.
2. She appears in a tight outfit, thus making all males in the area fall prey to her b00bage.
3. She explains 1-800-collect to the idiot.
4. Commercial punchline

I'm not going to question why there would really be some hottie running around wasting her time on idiots without change, but that's show business for you.

Anyway, this is not a negative review. I'm just taking out my miniflu crap on the poor text editor here. 389q2ueawnkerad543w32412398 - SEE?

Here's my interview with her, op8i23u7203orujois:

Me: ...so then I got back in my car and drove off.
Alyssa: Can't find 35 cents? Dial 1-800-collect, and you'll be very sati--
Me: That's the 5th time now! I'm on my phone at home talking to you!
Alyssa: Sorry. But don't make me angry, I'll put a hex on you.
Me: A what?
Alyssa: A Hex.
Me: Hexadecimal?
Alyssa: No stupid. A HEX. A curse, a spell. Like I do on my cool hip witch show on the WB.
Me: Oh. Sorry, I never watch it. I think it sucks.
Alyssa: ...can't find 35 cents? Dial 1-800-Collect, (seductive) and you won't regret it.
Me: I'll only dial that number if the keypad is on your chest.
Alyssa: Oh very funny. And I imagine you want to dial it with your 11th finger, right?
Me: Hey, how'd you know?
Alyssa: You think you're the first idiot who says that crap to me?

HAR!

Rating

Category Comment Rating
Boobays/GUUUH! Super happy boobies of happy! 4.5
Ass/GARF! jdsafhp9q283y4q23j stupid crap she does on TV. 5
Smile/Face Looks evil at times. Is that good? 4.5
Personality She's on the WB for God's sake! EWW! 4
Bang Factor GRAWWRRRR!! 5
0
Final Verdict: 4.6

Comments!

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The following comments after this point are old comments. Yay!

pumpkin plutoniums:

Smilie!Now write about Jessica Beil. Mmmmm.

Pain in my anus (Guest) dispenses:

Smilie!She also did some soft core porn, so you poor teenage bastards can download it from somewhere and stop whacking off to Victoria Secrets flyers.

Rawrb discharges:

Smilie!Har har, Lizzy. To be young and... stupid.

Lizzy (Guest) conveys:

Smilie!ur a loser Charmed is an awesome show and u suck and i bet ur just jelous bcuz ur an ugly loser and if itz such a crappy show then why is it going into itz 7th season and i wish all the horny ugly ass 40 year year olds would shut up about how much u want 2 screw her itz really annoying we get u think shes hot alright u all dont have 2 keep going on about!

Reburn and the Skidmarks (Guest) forms verbage to communicate:

Smilie!Reburn and the skidmarks will gargle her diareah!

FUCKEDUP (Guest) plutoniums:

Smilie!I FUCKED YOUR MOM SO HARD LAST NIGHT

QSF (Guest) says in non-morse code:

Smilie!SEXXXX

AnonFag@212.138.47.11 (Guest) unleashes:

Smilie!هناء said: hiiiiii SEXXXXX

Rawrb excretes:

Smilie!Enter text next time, lame guy!

izzle (Guest) conveys:

Smilie!fuck you

هناء (Guest) splats:

Smilie! hiiiiii

FUck (Guest) pizzas:

Smilie!She sucks

A.L.Y.S.S.A R.O.C.K.S (Guest) conveys:

Smilie!Me ToOoOOOOOo

A.L.Y.S.S.A R.O.C.K.S (Guest) bakes:

Smilie!Alyssa is so beautiful....... she is heaps talented and loves her fansssssss! she is da bomb!

Dicky (Guest) splats:

Smilie!Yeah, she`s really fuckable!

Rawrb discharges:

Smilie!NO! YEAH!

Jimmy unleashes:

Smilie!Isnt she dating that guy from Reburn and the Skidmarks now?

:):) (Guest) says in non-morse code:

Smilie!havent even read it but i know as much THAT I HATE ALYSSA MILANO

wow (Guest) verbalizes:

Smilie!Mega-Man face, that's funny

Nas (Guest) absolves:

Smilie!I don't really have anything to say about her, i just wanted the little Mega-Man face to appear on the screen.

Bob evaporates:

Smilie!I think she is the hottest and sexiest actress of all! Just look at her!

ss (Guest) dispenses:

Smilie!ssexxx

Rawrb says in non-morse code:

Smilie!That could be the best marketing tactic ever.

SK (Guest) evaporates:

Smilie!They should just save all that effort and paint teh 1-800-COLLECT on her b00bage...it would be a lot simpler and its hjsadjhgjhsa*DROOOOL*

Rawrb blahs:

Smilie!Salih is DUMB!

salih2003 (Guest) vocalizes:

Smilie!0096653394682sex

salih (Guest) evaporates:

Smilie!0096653394682
Yes, we know your damn eyes are seductive.
I know - time to vacuum the carpet.
AER YOO WEARINGS UNDARWAAER!?!1
I'm praying for that one gush of wind.
The couch or...the chick? Decisions, decisions...
Nice initials!
STANDARD UNDERWEAR SHOT!