Well, it had just occured to Kayn that one of his many celeb 'crushes' was Jewel, a rather popular musician/poet/hottie that seemlessly fought her way through life kicking all sorts of ass, from basically scratch.
"And you wake up making love to the wall..."
Well, I can honestly say that I haven't felt a close attraction to my sheetrock, but Jewel, whatever gets your cogs spinning, I'm behind you. Y-yeah.
It's strange; I've had this 'thing' for Jewel for the LONGEST time, and yet she hasn't been a Pluhbabe until now. When Gawkman and I are conversing, often the topic of, "Who should the next Pluhbabe be?" comes up. It was a drive home after finding our new drummer that the idea came to me.
Gawkman: "Dude, that drummer guy kicks ass."
Kayn: "What the hell-- Dude, that guy in the truck just hit a fire hydrant!"
Gawkman: "Bahaha! What a gimpy-gimp...guy."
Kayn: "Now I know who the next Pluhbabe should be, thanks to that bent fire hydrant."
Kayn: "Jewel." Gawkman: "What? Why? How?"
Kayn: "Because Jewels come from the earth and are pretty."
Kayn: "And in one of her songs, there is a guy standing and looking at her and stuff."
Kayn: "And then, after the water circulates through their bodies, it returns to the land as waste and is eventually evaporated back into the air, and the cycle starts all over again."
Gawkman: "OHH! I see
I'm sure you don't need me to explain why she is attractive, but I will anyway.
First and foremost, she just gleams with this strange-yet-arousing aura. Her eyes kinda, shine. I've seen her play live (on TV) and in every damn close up they'd shoot, her eyes would just like, sparkle. I know it sounds dorky/nerdy, but they DO! It almost looks as if she's on the brink of tears when she sings, and that's a good thing; The lyrics and feeling she puts into what she writes is just, for lack of better word, amazing.
Oh yeah, and her boobs/ass is pretty damned nice too.
Not only is she attractive/hot, her tunes are tasty, rich, and riddled with soul-biting lyrics and full of pure emotion. The passion she puts into her work, both poetry and music, will leave you pondering about all that love and relationship crap that guys generally don't dive into, at least with some form of a skeptical attitude. She really makes you think about life, relationships, and soft, chewey...chocolatey-- Put the candy bar away, boy!
I myself am a music purist; a very skeptic/picky person when it comes to my tunes. I dislike most stuff that's based on lyrics only and lacks substance. Substance = intruments and musicianship. Anything with more than two lead singers is too much (that singles out the gimpy boy bands), stuff with 'too-traditional' chord progressions (Gawkman learn3d me that one), and that crap that gets publicity for having a member with a cute face. No, they haven't found me yet. Ssh.
Okay, point of review: Jewel = hot. Her music = good. Cookies = tasty.
I would insert some 'what-we-would-do-if-we-could-meet-the-pluhbabe' cheesy ass dialogue, but the end results would be intercourse, and I don't want to get my ass kicked by TheWoman. So instead, I'll have an internal conflict:
Evil Kayn: "Hey Good Kayn, go kill Gawkman."
Good Kayn: "Okay."
|Boobays/GUUUH!||Hurray for boobies!||4.5|
|Ass/GARF!||I saw'd her in tight lethar. Mmm...||4|
|Smile/Face||She are the hot!||4|
|Personality||She's tough, though her songs indicate insecurity...||4.5|
|Bang Factor||Yes yes yes. Bang-age must commence.||4.5|
|Final Verdict: 4.3|