She's pretty. What can I say? I know, I'll talk about PIZZA! I like pizza, especially anchovies. Sometimes I like to get a pizza with nothing but anchovies... no cheese, not bread, no crust, just anchovies. Tires are round. Okay, I think I filled in this space well enough.

I must celebrate the new server with Kayn's new, female infactuation-fest competetion: Katie 'ubersexgoddess' Holmes. I was gonna do (huh) the new Austin Powers chick (Heather Graham was it?), but I think Gawkman should take her, though I doubt he's know where to put it. Er, the text in the HTML that is.

Ok, here's the truth. I've never seen Dawson's Creek. My little TV at home only cranks about 2 channels: FOX and NBC. Though I spend most of my time cleaning, working, and having company (heh), I still have managed to hear about Dawson's Creek on the new, pimped out WB network.

From what I've heard, Dawson's Creek is like the older 90210 from a few years back; a gathering of pretty faces (except Tori Spelling, she reminds me of mildew growing on a pile of feces) who have 'conflicts' and 'social issues.' Most of them can't act to find their way out of a soggy paper sack, but the youth, mostly little teenage girlies, didn't give a damn. The only problem was uh, the chicks on that show were kinda blah. There were a few exceptions, like that brunette chick that is on the show now. Other than that, hell no. Especially Tori Spelling.

Holmes is at HOME here! HAR!

Anyone ever seen Disturbing Behavior? See it. This movie was my first encounter with her (thank you Cliff), and what I thought was just going to be another chick in a horror film turned out to be an infatuation that cannot be ceased. There was one particular scene where the camera would ah, pan up from her lower legs to her face. We watched this scene about 46 times. In slow motion, zoomed in, upside down, perendicular, in a reflection, reverse, and uh, grayscale. She's got a marvelous physique. A slap happy physique. Everything about her appearance is just...errgh. Yeah, errgh. Arrrgh. Auuuugh. She causes all these drooling sounds you're hearing.

My favorite feature about Miss Holmes is her cool looking bedroom eyes. These are EYES. You don't see a pair of glancers on any girl like this. I look at those pictured of her looking at the camera, and just stare. I know that sounds kinda dumb, but LOOK! LOOK AT THOSE EYES! Take it from me, they have a hypnotic characteristic that draws you closer and closer and *thump*. STUPID MONITOR!

She's in an upcoming movie about like killing someone on accident or something. All I remember about the previews is seeing her like, talk and uh, move and stuff. All I have to say is, '...damn.' Like I said, slap happy.

In that movie Disturbing Behavior, she's a metal chick. Which is partially why I think she should get boinked by Kayn. So let's say I go to Hollywood for the weekend and bump into Katie. She looks at me, and I pass out. Upon waking up, I ask her out for a date, and she agrees. So, I pick her up.

Kayn: Hey Katie! Uh, how are you?
Katie: Doin' good. Let's get going.
*climbing into car with a cd player*
Kayn: Here's my CD collection. I hope there's somthing in there you li--
Katie: You have Soulfly!? OMG! PUT IT IN! PUT IT IN!
Kayn: Ok.
Katie: I should be gentle with it...it prolly scratches easily.
Kayn: Lemme get it out in the open first.
Katie: Can I hold it?
Kayn: Sure.
Katie: Wow. I never though I'd be holding this already.
Kayn: So can I put it in or do you wanna do it?
Katie: This conversation sounds perverted.
Kayn: Katie Katie Katie...you should know better than to think like that.
Katie: Take me.
Kayn: Ok.
Katie and Kayn: *Neer na na nerr na neer neer na neer

Katie has her own website. katie-holmes.com. Pretty damned cool to have a domain with your name on it. I should also make an effort to see Dawson's Creek. Until them Katie can star in my next movie, "Get Naked with Kayn." It will be a true story.

Rating

Category Comment Rating
Boobays/GUUUH! Not bayudd! 4
Ass/GARF! Shapely, like I likes tem. 5
Smile/Face Smile, mah perdy... 5
Personality In her intarviews, she seems down to earth! NO WAY! 5
Bang Factor Mmm...bang factor... 4.5
0
Final Verdict: 4.7

Comments!

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She's on the ground. Heh.
Fognog Gibber WHEHER! QINERG!
Metal Chick Pic. Oh hell yes.
She ain't the only one sitting up straight.
Seductive and sweet all in one.
I deserve a slap for thinking what I'm thinking.
Sweet mother of all that is pure and true.
Nice article of clothing you have there.
In order to fish, you need a rod.
I don't know about you, but the straw is my hero.
Errgh. Save picture as! Save picture as!
Hips are a wonderful thing.
Oh JEEZ. She's like a human stun-gun.