Dumb? Yes. Questionable judgement? Yes. Dances on tabletops? Yes. Eats sushi with a spork? Probably.

Pluhbabes return... again and again!

We've been out of the loop for Pluhbabes for so long that, in all reality, more Pluhbabes have surfaced from the depths of... *shudder* Hollywood. But we can't all place our faith in that "place" where only the "important" people reside. Because if you're famous, you're more important than other people! Keep that in mind, drones.

With this "return" of the Pluhbabes, I suppose Lindsey Lohan would be an obvious choice. She's been under the radar for a while, what with the nice GUUUUH and GARRRF combo in her arse-nal. AHRH AHRHRH! I am PUN MAYUNN!

Anyway, on to the degrading.

Young, but not GET THROWN IN JAIL PERVERT young

I have not seen a single Lindsey Lohan movie, I must admit. Why? Because most of her movies look:

  1. Stupid.
  2. Terrible.
  3. Lame.
  4. Bad.
  5. Trendy.
  6. Poppy.
  7. Yeller!
  8. SHUT UP

I suppose there's not much I know about her, other than she's nuclear bangable and is well known for being some sort of actress. One of her latest movies was with Jamie Lee Curtis where she is teenagar and somehow switches bodies with her mom (Curtis). That is, quite possibly, the most unoriginal plot EVAR. I recall seeing at least 3 other movies like that, one of them having Fred Savage (when he was a youngin') and that other guy. It was called Vice-Versa, and was pretty decent. I can't remember the others. Oh well, stuff.

Then she was in some other movie I've never seen called, "Mean Girls." People seem to have liked it and stuff because mean girls are funny, and apparantly, extremely hot. This warrants much short-term relationship stuff in that case. For those who don't understand the real meaning behind a "short-term relationship," it basically is a two-month long (or less) fling where you just engage in lots of dirty deeds, like secks (lots of it), going to clubs, and putting up with stupid crap. So the only good thing you get is them thar INTARCOURSE, and that's it. Then you dump her and move on. Pretty genious, no? Maybe.

The only "downfall" to such a thing is that you have to be willing to put up with stupid "dumb girl" stuff (at least for a while). That, and potential drama stuff that creeps up where word gets out that you are a "manwhore" and such. Then you laugh and eat pizza. So what's the lesson here? Hmmm.

I forget.

But the point I'm getting at is... uhh...

I forget that too.

She'll GUN for you. HARHRAH
"I'm Lindey Lohan. Keep dreaming, jerkwad!"

The end result? You're just too inferior.

Miss Lohan is one of those, "unattainable because she's famous and you're not" type of chicks, so you're better off focusing your POWARS on real girls. Luckily for you (and me), there are plenty of Lindey Lohan hotness type chicks that are not famous and definately attainable. So chin up, Mr. Normal!

I did, however, attempt to contact her management to see if I could score an interview. Here's the response:

Dear Mr. Kayn,

NO!

- Lindey Lohan Management

So here comes the infamous Pluhbabe Made-up Dialoguetm!

Lindey Lohan, "After reading your review of me, I'm rather insulted that you think I'm that shallow."
Kayn, "My deepest apologies. I had to assume you were like this because you seem to date only celebrities like Colin Farrel."
Lindsey, "Oh come on - can you blame me?"
Kayn, "For what exactly?"
Lindsey, "He's famous, rich, and attractive."
Kayn, "I see. So if a man has those three attributes, every other potential pitfall in that man becomes null and void?"
Lindsey, "What do you mean?"
Kayn, "Well, let's say Colin Farrel, being the rich, famous, good-looking guy that he is, has a terrible habit... like, ohh, I dunno, eating babies."
Lindsey, "Oh give me a break. Why would he eat babies?"
Kayn, "I dunno. Can you prove that he doesn't eat babies?"
Lindsey, "No..."
Kayn, "My point exactly."
Lindsey, "Wait, you're not making sense..."
Kayn, "Well, I can tell you one thing. *I* don't eat babies."
Lindsey, "Really?"
Kayn, "Yes."
Lindsey, "Your compassion for the population of innocent infants gets me hot. BRING FORTH UNTO ME THE KAYNBANG!"
Kayn, "ROOOAWWRRR!"
Lindsey, "GRAWRARRRRR!"

After running several passthroughs on the Celebrity Interview Simulator between Lindsey Lohan and I, this conversation came out exactly like this 99% of the time. In other words, if I actually did interview her, there would be a 99% chance it would have gone exactly like this.

Enjoy being jealous, wretches!

Rating

Category Comment Rating
Boobays/GUUUH! She's "gifted" in this department. 5
Ass/GARF! The derriere (or whatever) does extremely well. 5
Smile/Face She has all of her teeth! That's good! 4.5
Personality Questionable. Definately a "short term" type of chick. 3
Bang Factor A fresh game of Monopoly is in order. 4.5
0
Final Verdict: 4.4

Comments!

blog comments powered by Disqus
The following comments after this point are old comments. Yay!

Rawrb blahs:

Smilie!She's all, not the same now! AWH!
November 7th 2008, 11:59 PM

pumpkin blahs:

Smilie!I would've agreed at the time this review was written. Since then, not so much. There has to be conversation afterwards and I'm not wanting to hear about her fights with Paris, stints in rehab, or Fes from That 70's Show.

pstick93 blahs:

Smilie!lol kaynbang. i never thought of that one

logik (Guest) jabbers:

Smilie!hey beautiful(lindsey) I was wondering why you got so skinney you where fine the way you where, just perfect. Dont let any tell you otherwise, well I just have 2 say "DAAMM YOU'RE FINE", so stay perfect peace

breanne (Guest) yammers:

Smilie!hey lindsey how u doin

DEREK COOK (Guest) communicates:

Smilie!YES WELL DONE

DEREK COOK (Guest) absolves:

Smilie!DEAR LINDESY LOHAN I THINK YOUR THE HOTTEST GIRLIN THE WHOLE WORLD.

DEREK COOK (Guest) pizzas:

Smilie!DEAR LINDESY LOHAN I THINK YOUR THE HOTTEST GIRLIN THE WHOLE WORLD.

Shafty discharges:

Smilie!Sasha speaks the truth; Celia is trying to hide her lust for Kaynbang under a cloak of disgust and loathing!

Sasha splats:

Smilie!I think celia is just jealous.... she wants kaynbang too!!!!!!!!!

celia (Guest) conveys:

Smilie!bhtgnytn

celia (Guest) jabbers:

Smilie!you areALL BICHES AND PERVERTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

celia (Guest) evaporates:

Smilie!Eliza said: I totally agree. I think all of yall are retarded

Eliza (Guest) unleashes:

Smilie! I totally agree.

Sasha jabbers:

Smilie!if there was a line, I wuld definitely be in it. In fact Id bring a light saber and kill everyone else so I could be first.

Guy Man! (Guest) bakes:

Smilie!Well done.

Rawrb conveys:

Smilie!Get in line. I have to barricade my door just to get some sleep. :D

Sasha verbalizes:

Smilie!dayum, she is FINE!! but kayn is hotter. I want some kaynbang!!!!!!

Rawrb yammers:

Smilie!I wonder if she carried the traditional redheaded chick attitude. You know, the "I'm an insane psycho chick" thing. AAACK!

Shafty dispenses:

Smilie!Hooray, a new Pluhbabe review! Bring unto Kayn your accolades and--if you're a hot chick--your BOOBAYS@!!!1
Lindsey Lohan compels you to inspect her sheetrock.
I've got your candy right here... in my cabinet. HAR HAR
Does that gun... SHOOT?! HAR HAR GET IT LO!L !O!H@
If I had boobays, I'd be this happy.
I wouldn't eat that. Joebob threw up from eating flowers once.
Makeup, the other Lindsey Lohan.
I'll help you with the zipper. Just make me some mashed potatoes, k?
This is the "chick in a clam" hairstyle.
Makeup - the REVENGE!
Comment goes here!
Yes please. Yes.
Get your shoes off the bed, pig!
She sold out! HAR HAR
Your jeans are torn in the wrong place, heh heh. SHUT UP
Standard, 'Chick walking in rain wearing red glamorous dress' photo.
This 'GQ'... is it an establishment of some sort?
In the timeless words of Blondeaux, 'Bleh bleh... bleh bleh.'