Okay, so what the hell is up with that last name? Well, it's all good though. I mean, with Boobies...like those, her last name can be Pooponyourspaghetti for all I care.

I got home today, thinking about boobies. Again. Though this time, it wasn't just boobies. It was Latino boobies. Most of you may say things like, "KAYYN!! YUO AER RAESCIISTT WITHH THATT COMMEENTTS!!!"

I would like to take a moment now and extend my middle finger towards you individuals. I am a pervert, a slice of testosteronic scum, a guy who thinks about nothing but female physicalities, but a racist I am not. Stupid AMISH! Seriously, living without those 'Devil Tools' known as Toothpaste, deoderant, and PORN! Oh, how do they live without twin lesbo toy insertion? That I cannot fathom.

So anyway, back to Salma. Mmm...

Salma is a nice looking lady. Why? Well, if the pictures aren't enough to sway you, then maybe you should see her in full motion. Check out that movie, "Traffic," for instance. She has a rather brief appearance - but her appearance is just the right amount of time for her to show her 'teasing curves' and not to mention, "BOOOOBIEEEESS!!" Well, you don't really see them, like nipples and all. But she wears very tight outfits...and they...uhhh...

Boobies for you? No. For me!

Don't worry, she is still very impossible to date, let alone touch the mountains of superbness-iditity. I have yet to see a movie that portrays more skin - she played another brief role in Dogma (awesome movie)...as a stripper. NO, nothing came off. She just bounced around in her underwear, teasing those stupid google eyed, slack-jawed guys who didn't give her more money. The money to show...boobies. BOOBIES.

But uh, yeah...

Me: Now that I've seen that section in Dogma for the 56th time in a row, I must take a bathroom break.
Salma: Kayn. Come here
Me: You know what really sucks? I think I hear AND see Salma Hayek.
Salma: Kayn. Listen to me. I'm a latino goddess, and I want to let you touch The Boobs.
Me: ...uh, (rubs eyes), hah, I get it! You're really just a holographic projection coming out of the toaster! See, I'm going to reach out and touch your boo...
Me: ...ooo...buh...
long pause
Salma: I still can't figure out why I am here with this loser when I can be scoring with rich, old farts like Zeta Jones!
Me: I love...my toaster.

Because it makes toast...and Salma Hayeks.


Category Comment Rating
Boobays/GUUUH! If I could grasp a pair of boobies, I'd like to grasp hers. 5
Ass/GARF! It kinda jumps out and grabs you. In a good way... 4.5
Smile/Face Very good lookin'. Mirrors everywhere must envy hers. 4.5
Personality She played a cool chick in Dogma. 4.5
Bang Factor I'd love to bangs her, but we'd probably drown in my drool. HAR HARHAR! 5
Final Verdict: 4.7


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Take me to your...beverage facilities.
I'll be your plumber, heh heh...
So I hear they hibernate too?
I shall deem you...GET NAKED NOW!
The many seas cannot cool her hotness.
Go! Go! Go! Go!
Hot, Wet, and...stuff.