Stacy Keibler

Written by Rawrb on February 19th 2006, 12:00 AM (6)

She's all, hot and stuff. Don't believe me? You must anti-hottie. I think that's punishable by death or several hours of Family Matters.

Rawrb's Final Verdict!

Boobays/GUUUH!Smallish, but very nice.

Ass/GARF!I... am seriously too impressed here.

Smile/FaceShe's got the look. I am not referring to that horrible song either.

PersonalityWell, she's into wrestling. She has to be somewhat cool to hang out with... right?

Bang FactorI don't think I could ever stop. Ever.

RawrbRodWorthinessI love my innuendos.

Overall: 4.8333333333333/5

Agree? Disagree? Impartial? Stupid? Comment on it!

Wrestling.

I dunno, what can I say? It's a form of entertainment. Many, many years ago I used to watch it. This was around the time when Hulk Hogan and The Ultimate Warrior were reigning supreme. Somewhere along the line I did lose interest (I think it was video games), soo... who knows. The wrestling world was pretty much dead to me once I discovered which class combinations worked the best when playing the original Final Fantasy.

The Only Saving Grace of Wrestling... TODAY!

One of my best friends has continued to follow wrestling throughout the years, and once he relocated to my whereabouts a year or so ago, he introduced me to the absolutely stunning Stacy Keibler. Of course, he mentions her name and how she's in wrestling in the same sentence, and I immediately think, "Oh great, some manly chick who tries to crush skulls with metal chairs or whatever."

Then he proceeds to show me pictures, and my jaw exploded. Normally it just hits the floor, but her hotness created a chain reaction with the molecules in the the air and the explosive shrapnel from my jawbone destroyed small villages on other contenients. Yes, she's... THAT hot.

Even though my eyes completely glaze over when Blondeaux talks about which wrestling move he performed on what types of trees earlier in the day, any time he mentions Stacy Keibler, I pay extreme attention. So extreme that the 4th dimension performs a sort of "mitosis" and creates dimensions 5 and 6. These two new dimensions are so unstable, and so ready to break all matter across the universe that it would be absolutely insane to introduce any sort of foreign matter or theoretical wave forms into them.

That's serious attention, kids.

Stacy gets some vitamin D. D for... DELCIOUSU!!

The Gap Begins to Close

Blondeaux and I often deliberate on which of us will actually "meet and greet" this lovely vivacious vixen:

Blondeaux, "Here's the deal. You can have all the hotties in the world..."
Rawrb, "Yes, I know."
Blondeaux, "... except Stacy Keibler. I call the most intense of dibs."
Rawrb, "NO!"

I did compromise with him since he did call dibs at once point as well.

Rawrb, "Alright, I tell you what. If you and I are at a party and she's there, you have dibs by default (DBD)."
Blondeaux, "Okay."
Rawrb, "BUT, if you're not there, I claimeth the holy dibs."
Blondeaux, "Fair enough."

Soon thereafter I received a stuff magazine with her latest pictoral and had to alter her dibness once more.

Rawrb, "Yeah, so after I uhh, 'read' her interview, I have to go back on my word."
Blondeaux, "..."
Rawrb, "Sorry man. I'm just not a man if I don't take advantage of the situation should it arrive."
Blondeaux, "I understand. You cannot be blamed for this."
Rawrb, "So dibs is now out. It's now just do or die, free for all, and so forth."
Blondeaux, "Kind of like a FREE FOR ALL WRESTLING MA--"
Rawrb, "Hey that's great."

Sand is fun... SEXUALLY!

The Legendary Rump

Strangely enough, I did finally bump into Miss Keibler at a party*, so I suppose I should share with you how it did not happen went:

Rawrb, "Hey Stacy."
Stacy, "Great."
Rawrb, "What?"
Stacy, "I imagine you've got a dibs competition going on with your best friend on who gets to nail me, yes?"
Rawrb, "Close. Actually the dibs situation kind of fizzled once I declared the competition a true free for all."
Stacy, "Oh wow, now I feel special."
Rawrb, "I suppose it does not matter at this point whether or not who gets to nail you, because you seem kind of a jerk now that I've met you."
Stacy, "Right. The old 'pretend you don't like her so she'll like you' gag. Very original, except it's not."
Rawrb, "No, seriously, you are a jerk and I've decided you're not getting the RawrbRod."
Stacy, "The what?"
Rawrb, "The RawrbRod. It's actually an innuendo of sorts, it means--"
Stacy, "Oh, I know what you mean. It's just that I wanted to make sure I heard it right because it sounded so..."
Rawrb, "Cheesey? Hokey? Childish?"
Stacy, "... innovative."
Rawrb, "Oh yeah?"
Stacy, "Yes. I do apologize for my rudeness. Now how does one attain this RawrbRod?"
Rawrb, "First, bring forth unto me a beer."
Stacy, "Yes, it shall be done."
Rawrb, "Then you shall dance for me. Your performance, as well as your beer-bringing ability, will prove your RawrbRodWorthiness. (RRW)"
Stacy, "I will do my bes--"
Rawrb, "Less talk more beer."

*Disclaimer: Did not happen.