I am going to ask you a question: how many FPS level designers do you know that are females? Okay, how many of those are hot females? Okay, of those, how many of those have been featured in Playboy? I rest my case (no pun intended).

It would only be fitting for me to write a Pluhbabe review on Stevie 'KillCreek' Case before she's overexposed to the public in the upcoming May issue of Playboy (Editor's Note: Her pictoral never surfaced in the actual magazine. Instead, she was tossed into Playboy's Cyber Club. NO, I won't be posting those pics here; that is illegal). Well, I'll try to get it out (the review) before then. Shit happens ya know.

I Speilunk!

The well sculpted Killcreek works for ION storm slapping together Daikatana levels. Y-yeah, she sure does. No, really. She does. Yes, she can use a computer. What? WHAT? Oh come on, how do you think she could afford those 'thingies?' Hard work and dedication! Women are smart too, you bunch of sexist bastards!

Killcreek somehow created her own "Horny Teen Male Gamer" community with her pictoral in Playboy. I'm not joking; I read a chat log with the ION Storm team answering questions about Daikatana, which parts of it went something kinda like this:

Moderator: "Okay, any other questions about the level design?"
HrnyJoe6pnt9: "Helo KillCreak I want two sowly taek youre bra off and strat kissing your rok hard nip--"
Moderator: *HrnyJoe6pnt9 booted*
Moderator: "Any other questions at all?"
Killcreek: "He was the last dude in here."

Aroused male gamers will buy Daikatana and masturbate to the fact that Killcreek had something to do with it. But not me, no. I'll buy Daikatana for it's wonderous gameplay, state-of-the-art graphics, and deep, intricate storyline. Ribbit.

while (breasts == huge) {

Killcreek is pretty damned hot, I'll give her that. I personally think that she'd be twice as hot if they, the fleshy mountains, weren't that frickin' HUGE. Don't get me wrong; I have an uncontrollable boobie fetish like 99.9% of the male population, but they don't look completely natural. Besides, it's kinda obvious that they aren't, simply because chicks with a superb physique simlar to Killcreek's never/hardly ever have a God-given set of jugs the size of a small country. If I (or any guy) first met Killcreek, without ever hearing about her or seeing her, the first thing I would want to ask is, "Are those real?" and the second being, "Can I play with them?"

Maybe that's what she wanted when she was 'tweaked,' who knows. If you ask me, it's one of those female complexities that guys should stay away from and never question. Otherwise, just stare and drool at the voluptious Killcreek and her superb set of sensual seductive femininity. Or tiddys, whatever you wanna call them.

I had a recent encounter with her the other day, actually, when I woke up with a hangover in the Ion Storm office. I know the janitor.

Kayn, "Hey Killcreek, how're things goin for yo--"
Huge Left Breast, "We are good."
Huge Right Breast, "Yes."
KillCreek, "..."
Kayn, "Wow Stevie, they've somehow mutated into their own intelligent entity. So who's the brains now?"
Huge Right Breast, "That would be us."
Huge Left Breast, "We feed on radiation and brain cells."
Killcreek, "..."
Kayn, "Ohh, I see."
Huge Left Breast, "It is time for our bi-hourly oil rub down."
Huge Right Breast, "We must disrobe immediatley."
Killcreek, to Kayn, "YOU. RUB. ME. NOW."
Kayn, "Yer."

I would love to do an e-mail/chat interview with her asking nothing but game related questions (heh), but after reading some of this, she may end up doing bad things to me otherwise. You see what type of sacrifices I make for you faithful readers? It's things like this I do for all of you that keeps me and Pluh Extreme from becoming the next ShugaShack or something. That and my lazy ass. Bah, I declare you all my bitches now.

[Conclusion goes here]

Rating

Category Comment Rating
Boobays/GUUUH! Big, though extremely fake... 4
Ass/GARF! If you shake, I might...grasp it. 4
Smile/Face A little too much makeup... 3.5
Personality SHE MAKES VIDEO GAMES!!1 5
Bang Factor I wonder if she finds nerdy video game talk arousing. 4
0
Final Verdict: 4.1

Comments!

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The following comments after this point are old comments. Yay!

none (Guest) conveys:

Smilie!Notheredave you must have the absolute worst written reviews on Amazon.com. I mean you've been voted among the worst five reviewers on Amazon by the Amazon.com discussion group- which is quite a feat. I've got to let them know I've actually 'met' you.

notheredave (Guest) communicates:

Smilie!YEAH SHE LIKES IT ALOT I HEAR [up the creek SHE QUIVERS LIKE A .........

notheredave (Guest) says in non-morse code:

Smilie!ID QUAKE IN MY BART SIMPSON SHORTS...

notheredave (Guest) says in non-morse code:

Smilie!IF I COULD ONLY BER HER BOSSMAN, OH BOY.

notheredave (Guest) splats:

Smilie!notheredave said:REAL STUFFIN HITCH HER UP AND YANK IT UP AND OUT LIKE A REAL SHOOTER I HEAR SHE LIKES IT...

notheredave (Guest) says in non-morse code:

Smilie!REAL STUFFIN HITCH HER UP AND YANK IT UP AND OUT LIKE A REAL SHOOTER

notheredave (Guest) yammers:

Smilie!notheredave said:<table width=75% align=center border=0 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=0><tr><td><hr align=center width=100% size=1><font size=2 face=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif><b>jorge</b> said:</font><br><em><font size=2 face=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif>que bellos pezones!!!</font><br></em> <hr align=center width=100% size=1></td></tr></table><p>real jack off material MARSH MELLOS JELLO QUIVERIN TRIGGER SHOOT CREAM ER SHOOT SHOUT QUAKER

notheredave (Guest) yammers:

Smilie!jorge said:que bellos pezones!!! real jack off material

Wog (Guest) evaporates:

Smilie!does anyone know where i can find more pics of stevie case?

raid (Guest) vocalizes:

Smilie!welkam

jorge (Guest) vocalizes:

Smilie!que bellos pezones!!!
Jump. Please.
The real reason why Daikatana was so delayed.
Unable to think of witty breast comment.
The infamous 'before' picture (don't she look cute?).
Are the boobies carbon based, or silicon based?
I wish I could have seen the truck those things came on.
My Rendition...
Okay okay, your breasts are huge.
"..."
Yes yes, the wedgie was my fault.
Back problems?
Big enough to star in their own Pr0no.