Tara Reid. She's another almost really famous chick that we'd like to take out to Swenson's and see her get jiggy with an Oreo Delux. Mmm...jiggy!
So now, you look at this girl and you think, "Woa, it's the chick from that movie with the guy, the pie, and the other hot chick!" We'll, you're WRONG! She's from that one movie with the guy, the pie, and ANOTHER hot chick!
Yes folks, this here is Tara Reid. She's that hot chick that got her 'tubes tinkered with' by that goober in American Pie. She also 'flogged that guy's Dolphin' too, which boggles me, because he's a GOOBER BALL! That's right, the yellow-green phlem I cough up in the mornings has fewer goober properties than that guy. If ever you need a pictoral, I can clearly demonstrate. Just send me your mailing address, and you could have some fresh phlem shipped to your door, free of charge!*
Anyway, forget about the phlem. This here is TARA REID! I really have only seen her in American Pie and Maxim...so I can't give you a biography or whatever of her. Instead, I'll pretend she came to see me after we opened for Sevendust and Taproot:
Me: Wow, that sure was fun playing in front of 10,003 people!
Tara Reid: Hey guy with the stupid yarn hair, what the hell kinda show was that?
Me: The kind that says DON'T EAT THE YELLOW SNOW!
Tara Reid: I'm Tara Reid!
Me: Really? You better watch out though...My girlfriend is part ninja, part death burger!
Tara Reid: ROOOOAAWWRRR! I'M GOING TO RAPE YOU 12 TIMES NOW BECAUSE I AM TARA REID!!
Me: Well now, I can't help that now can I?**
Just look at her. If you were in High School and saw her walking down the hall, it'd be like waking up naked on top of a water tower and thinking, "If I jump, I die, then I won't be able to score with Tara Reid!" Well, the odds are about the same in real life too. But you can always spend time with yourself and that American Pie movie, watching her face enter the realm of "HOLY SHIT!"
*Not responsible for shipping and phelm handling. Sorry, no CODs. Proof of purchase required.
** Disclaimer: Has not happened yet.
|Boobays/GUUUH!||Firm and happy! HAPPY!||4.5|
|Ass/GARF!||Petite and...really happy!||5|
|Smile/Face||I want to stare with more happy!@||5|
|Personality||I dunno, she knows Fred Durst...and that MTV guy.||3.5|
|Bang Factor||Clothes would rip. Teh earth would explodes!||5|
|Final Verdict: 4.6|