Tom Brokaw

Written by Isikins on August 12th 2009, 12:24 AM (1)

A summation on one of very few man crushes.

Isikins's Final Verdict!

Boobays/GUUUH!He's a man. There are no boobs. Plus, you can't really have negative boobs, can you?

Ass/GARF!Ew. He's old and is a HE.

Smile/FaceSeems like a friendly guy.

PersonalityProfessional, and bipartisan. Perfect human being. Okay, not exactly.

Bang FactorUuhhh ...

Isikins worthy.TOTALLY!

Overall: 0.83333333333333/5

Agree? Disagree? Impartial? Stupid? Comment on it!

TOM BROKAW  

... i'm driving down higway 40 in my big old pick-up truck ...

You knew this was coming. Or was it cumming? To a news stand near you, coming from NBC Dateline, Brian Williams. Tonight, we celebrate intelligence and integrity. We celebrate political conspiracies, global catastrophies, racial injustice, border patrol, and Britney's new album. That's right, Tom Brokaw was here, and is here, and he will always be with you. Phil Collins once said it best, "I may be a terrible songwriter, but Tom Brokaw is a damn sexy news reporter." Listen, readers. You must understand that sexiness runs deeper than vaginas, and tits, and asses, and boobs, and butthole surfing. We have to get to the core of things. We have to get to the Tom Brokaw, because without him, there would be no Nightly News, and without Nightly News, we'd just have Walter Kronkite. Which would be fine if he wasn't dead. I just now realize that there is much to be said about Tom Brokaw, yet I don't have much to say because ... well, I know nothing about the man.

Let me emphisize on the nothing I know about him. One! Nothing in his personal life is very clear to me, mostly because I don't look into the life of Tom Brokaw. I can't really go into the physical attractiveness of Tom Brokaw, because ... well ... there isn't much physical attraction to be had on my end. I could easily turn this into one of those special Chicago Sun-Times articles about the brilliance of his news reporting. Which brings me to part two of this list ... Two! I know not of what he has covered. What has the man covered? What could I write about that could indoctrinate him into the ebbing exclusive club known as the pluhbabes, all while paying respect where respect is due? I do know that he was the moderator for one of the Presidential Debates back when we were still in need of a competent president. I know that Tom Brokaw has covered several election related spots on television since he handed the helm of Nightly News over to Brian Williams (who is bound to get a pluhbabe in the near future.) However, I don't think the readers of my ... spots(?) would appreciate a purely insightful diatribe about a man who has much to offer in the world of shared information ... that we can only assume is partially modified by the government. One of my readers aptly replied to my Up review with "so, should we become enriched and emotional? Or should we just make fun of you." I'll be the first one to admit that I don't like being made fun of. I get whiny and emotional, and I have the steady come-back craftmanship of pubescent Zac Efron. Or Eminem.

 

Can we still make fun of you?

Let's keep our eye on the ball here. And, yes, you most certainly can make fun of me. I've made actually no progress in researching the man and why he is actually worthy of the pluhbabe title, other than the fact that I once mentioned him in an earlier pluhbabe about a certain Natalie Bomke, who I have since then gotten over, seeing as it never would have worked out anyway. Har har har. BUT! Here are some facts that are indisputable, all of which will generalize him under what may possibly be the worst reviewed pluhbabe in pluhbabe history. Why? Because, to what may be Tom Brokaw's unfortunate chagrin, he is a man. Men do not have Boobays/GUUH, or Ass/GARF worth mentioning, or any bang factor, unless you are a 70 Year Old widow (or widower depending on ... you know ...) What we can judge is the smile, personality, and face. 1/2 of the riddle here is to look past the oldness, which usually builds character and adds to personality, so there is no doubt the man should shine in those categories. None the less, I'm sure I don't need to tell any of you that this is all to be taken completely as a joke, and only a person like me would ever dare to dream about writing a pluhbabe about a man. Whether I can get away with it or not is a completely different story.

 

Stop rambling! Brass tax, you dolt.

Ouch! My ego. Well, as long as we're talking brass tax, let's get some info on the guy, shall we? There are no boobays to oogle at. Tom Brokaw is a man. If you like his ass, that's your issue, and you are more than welcome to enjoy. The man was born on February 8th, 1940, clocking him in at a super sexy 69 years old. He attended the University of South Dakota and earned his degree in politics and journalism. What isn't sexy about politics and journalism, other than the fact that the two were made for each other. Not to get all high and mighty on the old soap box here, but both are rendered to be brainwashing the masses, no matter which side you take. It makes you wonder why our two-party system confuses the hell out of everyone.

Fox: WE'RE RIGHT! It's in our locale in the House of Representatives!

MSNBC: No! We are right! We are the upkeepers of openmindedness and peace, even though we have no trouble in pointing out why right-wingers have no humanity left.

It's things like that that really get my juices flowing. Nothing get's me happier than seeing a room full of partisan biased hypocrites griping at each other for being ... well ... who cares about my stupid opinion on such things. His most notable credits go to hosting The Today Show from '76 to '81. Not much went on during those years other than Sting and The Police starting and ending their career in those respective years. Lots of good music came out by them. '77 was the debut of Roxanne, which put them on the charts and gained notoriety for The Police. In subsequent years, they released albums such as Regatta De Blanc, Zenyatta Mondatta, Ghost in the Machine, and, of course Synchronicity. But The Police have absolutely nothing to do with Brokaw other than the fact that his run with The Today Show ran the same course as their career.

Continuing on with this list of facts ascertained from the endless knowledge of wikipedia, I've also come to discover that he did reports for The Nightly News from 1982 to 2004, when he handed the reportings over to Brian Williams. The world wasn't stunned, but I'll never forget his sign off phrase ... which I forget. Look, the point is, this whole thing was created simply for my own reading of my goofy reviews. I said I'd write one on Tom Brokaw, and here it is. The man is obviously well read in the history of the States, and has reported long enough to see some serious shit go down in the world reportings.

 

You hardly did any research.

I'm not writing a fucking essay for a professor. You'll see him on Meet the Press and NBC News as a special correspondent, and he is often found moderating Presidential Debates, most recently one held with Senator John McCain and President Barack Obama. It's not my place here to decide which of the two actually won the debate itself, but I'm sure the poor guy was flabbergasted at both of their attempts to completely avoid the questions that were given in order to deliver what they believe to be soaring and inspiring speaches. I remember him distinctly complaining, "Please answer the question within the alotted time. Please answer the direct question. Quit pussyfooting around." I made that last one up.

So what exactly is sexy about Tom Brokaw? Is it his success? Is it his intelligence? Is it his looks? Well, I suppose it depends on who you are. I have a deep admiration for those who go out of their way to get informed, and then inform those who wish to be informed. Journalists have tough jobs, and though I have absolutely no interest in writing for an organized news establishment, I can see that it takes a certain professional prowess to get this job done, and done well. Brokaw has been reporting the news since 1976, and has kept in the lime light as a sort of pinnacle of news reporting during his years as an anchor. For that, I respect him, and I respect his predecessor, Brian Williams, who I will not be giving a pluhbabe. I just though that this would sort of be a goofy joke that us pluh readers can laugh about ... and make fun of me for.