The first direct Final Fantasy sequel is released. Yeah. In other news, my socks need a good wearing.

Since I just reviewed the old Final Fantasy Origins, I figured it'd be wonderful to review one of Squeenix's (that's my awesome pet name for Square Enix) newer "games."

You already know where this is going, don't ya?

To be quite honest, I don't know what's happening to Square Enix. Their newer games seem to be so very poofy and lacking in real substance, or something like that. Often I try so very hard to dig their newer stuff, but it's just so very... hard.

To illustrate my point, look at this image.

For the love of God, NO! N!O N!O N!O!NO

Now, look at that picture and think about what you're seeing. This is, in lament's terms, STUPID. For some reason, Square Enix thought it'd be a great idea to take the contept of Charlie's Angels (which both the old version and the modern day version are lame and should die) and make it some overly gippy, terrible direct sequel to the already decent game that is Final Fantasy X.

Listen. I'm not some Final Fantasy newbie that just crawled out of the woodwork to just destroy this game for no reason. I'm a huge fan of all them Square Enix games. I love most of the installments of the Final Fantasy series. But this... this is unacceptable. Completely and utterly terrible.

You might be thinking, "He just hates it because the main characters are girls!"

Haha! That's right! Shut up.

FF6's main character is Terra. I love that game. So eat a bag of poop.

So yeah - so much potential down the drain due to dumb.

I'm so angry.

Ok, I'll give this game a couple things. One, the battle system is very cool. It's quick and multitaskable (I make my own words - yay!), which gives it a unique challenge to master. Change you class in the middle of the battle? Sure thing, proviced you've got the right dresspheres and your garment grids are set up. Dress spheres? Garment grids? It's a Barbie-Final Fantasy hybrid.

The second cool thing is that the game is mission based, which adds a new element of "WHEE" to these games. Kinda reminded me of Final Fantasy Tactics Advance, which is a WHEE like game.

But that's all I'm giving this game. I hate the character design - it's actually WORSE than Final Fantasy X's design. What's that guy's name... Tetsuya... something. He's like, the worst guy ever and stuff. Some warped fashion freak, I dunno. Thankfully, Final Fantasy XII's character design will be done by the Vagrant Story guy (or so I've heard). Bah, whatever.

This is... the end.

I shall quote Gawkman: "Of all the Final Fantasies to make a sequel to, why FFX?"

I feel for ya man.

So anyway, I'm sure I offended the FFX/FFX2 fanboys and whatever.

Hate me in the comments. I deserve it, right? Heh. NO!


Category Comment Rating
Gameplay The battle system and the mission system knows. The rest does not. 3
Graphics I wasn't floored, but they weren't bad. 4
Music/Sound Completely and utterly uninspiring. 0.5
Replay Value I don't know... 1.5
Originality It's the BAD kind of original! 0.5
For the love of God, WHY!? This game needs to be burned. -5
Final Verdict: 0.75


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The following comments after this point are old comments. Yay!

ychghgy (Guest) verbalizes:

Smilie!shut up this cool

Frozenboogereatr (Guest) evaporates:

Smilie!I am so alone. *awaits all new Final Fantasy releases*

I would be the kind to wait outside the store and be the first to buy...IF I HAD MONEY.

KIM (Guest) jabbers:


my name is STAB YOU! (Guest) pizzas:

Smilie!Umm, Front Mission 4 is an awesome strategy RPG from Square Enix, so they still got it, they just didn't put whatever it is into this game. Also, compared to... what it SHOULD have been, Final Fantasy Tactics Advance sucked so much. Final Fantasy Tactics was my favorite game of the time, I played it over and over for months, just as a game should be. Final Fantasy Tactics Advance did not have the same hold. Worse graphics? What?

Gay Patrol (Guest) discharges:

Smilie!This game is decreed, "Gay," by the Gay Patrol.

thedudewhosadude (Guest) splats:

Smilie!Eh, I can agree with you on some points. I really didn't like the whole Charile's Angels theme, and the friggin' annoying music on the airship...but some parts of it were the part where, that was bad.....erm, I really didn't like this game as it seemed like they were kiddying it up. At one point Rikku says "Oh poopie" for no apparant reason. About several hours later, Yuna says the same thing, claiming to be imitating Rikku.

PUNKnPINK discharges:

Smilie!I like it

Rawrb un-shut-ups:

Smilie!It has boobays, yes.It just did not have fun! :(

Porn Monkey evaporates:

Smilie!I concur with most of what you're saying, HOWEVER this game has boobies which many games lack.

Somehow... someday there will be an end to the final fantasy sequels.
Battle! BATAWL!
Oh yeah. Prepare to gag.
They can take 'em! They have grrl power!
Freakish costumes are oh-so-common now!
The ladies contemplate why the fuck they look so stupid.
Rikku prepares to act overly-annoying!
Please understand how hard I laughed when I saw this.
Yuna awakens into a nightmare of vertical half-skirt outfits.
Yuna in the fighter class. WOW IT'S TIDUS'S SWEORD!
They change outfits to change classes. It's Final Fantasy Barbie: The Game!
Yuna point and says, "If we run that way, maybe we can escape this crappy game!"
Oh yes, it gets WORSE.
Randomly posing like idiots makes the game better somehow!
Yuna's Japanese counterpart is also a pop star!
Sparkles randomly fall out of the sky!
Rikku's Japanese counterpart actually isn't jumping around like she's on drugs!
Lesbian scene!
Yuna is a GUNNAR!
Yuna jumps! WOW!
White Mage Yuna! Scary!