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Around the Corner in 80 Days

By PsiNyde on 2005-06-26, 4 comments

This is the story of the move to Texas my wife and I recently did. We left San Diego, CA on 12 June and arrived in Weatherford, TX on 15 June. It was a total of 1270 miles, and should have taken a total of 20 hours on the road to complete. Yeah, 20 hours... We started off thinking we were heading out for a great adventure. HAWRHAR...DUMB! What we found out was not only would this move be NOT smooth, but that it would be a fawking disaster...

Ah...Leaving is Such Sweet...ARGH HURRY THE F*&% UP!

We had 48 hours to load the trailer with what we had packed over the course of the past week. As we packed the first few linear feet of the truck, we found that it went quite fast...until we started getting tired and sore. The last hour to pack was upon us, and we still had tons of shit around to get on the truck...stuff that was nearly impossible to pack quickly. Well, too bad for us the truck driver showed up and HOUR EARLY to pick it up. We rushed like hell to pack it, and got him outta there in a reasonable amount of time...that would prove to big TEH SUCK of decisions later...

We loaded up the van that my mother in law gave us with all the house plants [about 12 or so] and the pets [1 cat Jade, and 1 dog Brittney [she's 8 and we named her before that no talent whore was on the scene]], hitched up the Ghia loaded to the hilt with luggage, and went about our way with a gleam of hope in our eyes that this time, things would be MUCH better.

teh vayun of towing wordiness!

Better?
Hardly. Kick me in the junk and call me Freddy.

About 3 hours into the trip, the van decides that it's too hard to go uphill right before we get to the top. Klunky-ass sounds, no power and no oil pressure = I'm LE FAWRKED! We pull over and call AAA. They take their sweet ass time sending somebody [which equates to roughly 3 hours wait in the SCORCHING DESERT HEAT]. Now the sun is going down and it's getting cold...something we weren't prepared for since, hawrhar, we were driving through the desert during the daylight hours. Irony RULEZ! So the guy says he'll take us back to his town, another 30 miles up, for free since he's going back there and there is a garage and motel there. Ended up being a tension pulley. We crash...

I get up early to meet with the mech. He calls in the part, but it'll be after 2pm before he gets it, unless I drive 30 miles to retrieve it. Sos I goes. I drive throught the hick town of Alpine, CA to find the parts store, and WHAT DO ME EYES SEE?!

Life's a Copyright Infringement...DIG IT!

Hell isn't just Phoenix Anymore

Once we had our new part installed, we were back on the old dusty trail! After about 5 minutes, I noticed another awful sound. This one was BAD. I pulled over at the nearest exit [20-25 miles further down] and entered the gas station. The dog and cat were both panting now. As we pull up and take a look under the hood, a guy walks over and says "you broke a rod". I knew damn well what he meant too...a piston rod. That spells disaster and we know it. The gas station attendant comes out and tells us, "you muss moob dees...you are bloocking tree poomps! I'd liek to help boot...."
So we move with the noisiest engine pulling the heaviest load. RAWR! We called AAA again...but alas, it took even longer this time. We broke down at about 1200...help came right before dusk. The place we were stuck at is quite litterally in the middle of nowhere, or what I affectionately refered to as HELL.

teh vayun of no werkie!

even our doggy needed a break from the bullshit

my wife Nancy in her car in a 'not-so-amused-that-he's-taking-fucking-pictures-at-a-time-like-this' kind of moods

We gets a tow [back to the last shop which coincidently cost me $90] to temporarily abandon the van and Nancy goes ahead to the next town [about 35 miles to El Centro] to get a U-Haul truck. We get the truck, unload everything from the vayun, Nancy's car and the Ghia and put it all in the truck. We hitch the Ghia up to the truck and start off again...hoping that this will be teh last snag!

We hitch up the Ghia and realize that the tow ball on the truck was just a LITTLE too high for the Ghia to fit without destroying the front end. The tie rod was being pushed on by the tow bar and any mid to large dip or bump could snap it. I calls the U-haul center and ask to pick up a tow dolly.
Nice courteous young woman - "Sir, we close in 5 minutes...you won't make it in time."
Me - "Please honey, you don't understand what I've been through already...just stay an extra 15-20 minutes...I will be there."
Not-so-courteous young woman - "EMPF...but we really-"
Me - "PLEASE...I'll pay you twenty bucks...just wait!"
Starting to get on my nerves little beyoch - "[heavy sigh] Let me go ask if my co-worker will wait...hang on!..."

I'm on hold for a total of 10 minutes, which felt like an eternity as I grow thoroughly pist...I could have been nearly there at this point...

Smart-ass teenager U-haul guy - "Can I help you sir?"
Me - "Yes, PLEASE stay behind for 15 minutes! I'll give you both twenty bucks."
Asshole U-haul kid - "Dude, I really don't want to stay."
Me - "Dude, how about helping out a customer that would be VERY thankful?"
Shitbag - "Nope."
Me - "Hey, thanks a lot. You guys have been a BIG HELP!"

We head east again, hoping to make it out of California on THIS day, since the last one was unsuccessful. We've gone a total of about 100 miles in over 24 hours and were already $1600 poorer [U-Haul]. The hitch for teh vayun was now a wasted $200. YAY!

We makes it out of Cali!!! HOORAY!

I do.

We chat and laugh about moving stories [they were also in the Marines and have been through all of this crap before too]. They tell a pleth of stories about blown tires which gives me a funky feeling, but I enjoy them none-the-less. After 2 hours of conversation and laughs, we say our goodbyes and head out again. It's super dark but cool enough to drive. We load up on caffeine drinks like some NA truckers and hit the road. I make it only about two hours before I need a nap. We crash at a rest stop for about 2 hours, which turns into 4 and we wake with the sun.

As we pull into Yuma at about 1030pm [after 120 miles of going 50 since the hitch on the truck was too high and U-haul refused to help], we met with some of my wife's friends at Denny's. They laugh at how exhausted we both look and notice the fact that I am not amused by anything, but continue with the hopes that I stab myself in the eye with a fork and snap out of it.I do.We chat and laugh about moving stories [they were also in the Marines and have been through all of this crap before too]. They tell a pleth of stories about blown tires which gives me a funky feeling, but I enjoy them none-the-less. After 2 hours of conversation and laughs, we say our goodbyes and head out again. It's super dark but cool enough to drive. We load up on caffeine drinks like some NA truckers and hit the road.I make it only about two hours before I need a nap. We crash at a rest stop for about 2 hours, which turns into 4 and we wake with the sun.

Luckily for us, this is a good driving day. We make it to Tucson [well, about 20 miles east of Tucson actually] at 9am and find a hotel. We clean up and get ready to crash. since I haven't really slept since the night before last, and since we had to load the U-haul in the scorching desert sun alone, we were quite dirty...

this was what my washcloth looked like after my shower...and I had already cleaned it too...hehe, it looks like teh showar has boobays

Even teh Britts couldn't resist a bed...just weird that it was in a bookcase...

The Best Restus 'Til Texas

We crash at noon and get up at 6pm. We eat next door at a Denny's and meet a girl there waiting tables from Chicago. She followed her boyfriend out there [from Chi-town], has lived there for almost 6 months and is ready to leave that desolate bowl of dirt...I wonder why...
As we hit the road, we realize that in every major move, it was always the state we left that gave us the problems: when we moved from CA to PA, it was the scorching heat of Death Valley and Vegas that nearly killed out 2 cats [the car had no AC]. When we left PA for Sandy Eggo, the Jeep had nearly fatal alignment and front end tire balance problems. On this trip, it was that vayun.
But it felt good that since we were out of CA our car troubles were over. YAY!

Nope.

We pulled out at exactly 10pm. At around midnight on a desolate stretch of highway where the truckers swerve and sway all over the f%^&in place, my wife runs something over and calls me on the walkie talkie and tells me something is wrong...

Slightly-Nervous Nancy - "Honey, something is wrong...the car is shaking..."
Me - "Ok, pull over and I'll check it out."

I quickly check all the tires, and none are flat, so we move on.

Slightly-More-Nervous Nancy - "Honey, it's still doing it...something's wrong."
Me - "Ok, next rest stop we'll get a really good look."
Not-Believing-Me Nancy - "Ok, honey."

Not even 2 minutes later...

Obviously-Something's-Wrong-and-She's-Pist-Now Nancy - "JGOIIOUHTR%IO$% (U #U T#UE%T ERJJPOIJTR POJKREP!!!!"

I see the car behind me dart for the shoulder! I hit the brakes and slow as fast as I can with a truck full of shit and a car being towed while going downhill...

...braking....braking....braking...
Dammit, when is this f%^king thing going to STOP?!

I get out and run up the hill [about 1/4 mile] so see what happened. Nancy is really mad now and giving me that 'You aren't going to believe THIS shit' look...

Disheartened Nancy - "A tire blew."

GODDAMMIT!!! After all that talk of blown tires from our friends in Yuma, I figured some of it HAD to have rubbed off on us. Bless them.
Oh, well, I'll attach the fix-a-flat and we'll be outta here in no time.

Nope.

Fix-A-Flat no werkie. Tire doesn't even inflate in the smallest degree.

As I check the tire, I see something shiny and tell Nancy, "you aren't going to BELIEVE how big this son of a bitch is!" I see something that is about 1/2 inch in diameter right in the middle of the tread. OMG this sucks...I go get the tire iron in the truck - yep, 1/4 away...so I run.
I take forever to pull the tire off...it was stuck and it was dark and the ground was sticky...they had just oiled the asphault. I gashed my leg getting the damn tire off, I somehow managed to get myself covered in oil and now my shoe sole was seperating from the shoe from the sticky ground...and they were my favorite shoes too :( FOR CRY!
I get the damn thing off and roll it around to investigate the...WTF?!?!

Teh hitch receiver retainer pin OF DEAWRTH!!!

I didn't realize that these things served TWO purposes...

I attach the donut tire and we're on our way again...but now we are forced to go 50 b/c of the stupid donut tire...

Boy, this trip is TEH BEST EVAR!!

We make if through AZ and almo