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SAEV TEH CHICKENS!

By Rawrb on 2001-11-08, 3 comments

Everyone! Hear my plea! Be sure you have green beans or corn when you eat your chicken!

A few minutes ago, I received a strange e-mail from a chicken rehab group. Or something. I dunno.

The email is very long and detailed. It goes on and on about how they want to rehabilitate those poor chickens who aren't just up for the fryin'. I feel sorry for them! What can WE do to help them?

Aside from giving out a million-jillion dollars, I saw we all EAT MORE CHICKEN! This way, we can make more room for those poor little guys who just aren't up to par with the big chickens. You know, the ones you get from KFC. Mmm...

Anyway, I want to share with you some snippets from this e-mail, and my response. If I do hear back from them, I'll be sure to tell you.

The world-renowned Chicken Rescue Centre needs your help - without it, the centre will close. This voluntary organisation, dedicated to rehabilitating cast-offs from intensive chicken farming, is run purely on public donations, sponsorship and the sale of its free-range eggs. Without such goodwill, the centre cannot survive and the unique humanitarian and educational role it serves will disappear.

Now, we don't want this to happen!

The Chicken Rescue Centre is in no way connected with any animal rights or liberation group but it IS dedicated to the rehabilitation of intensively farmed hens to the free-range system, and also adopts unwanted pet chickens. When the battery hens arrive, they are in a sorry state: featherless, sometimes beakless, under-weight and petrified of everything, from the ground they walk to the very eggs they lay. The Chicken Rescue Centre is the first and only sanctuary in the UK dedicated to chickens.

So...wait, okay, you get shitty chickens. Then you revitalize them, for...FOOD! Right? What happens next?!

The Chicken Rescue Centre has an ambition. It wants to become an interactive part of the community, giving the public, especially those with learning difficulties, physical disabilities, children from deprived areas and the elderly, a chance to touch, stroke or hold an animal - showing that chickens are living animals, not just commodities; it wants to offer a learning experience to visitors; but just as importantly, it aims to provide a nice day out in the countryside.

Ahh, a nice day in the countryside. You know what would go good with that? CHICKEN!

Such a development will require considerable funding. An estimated ?300,000 will need to be raised. To buy the smallholding we are on and change it into a working sanctuary, the whole 10-acres needs to be surrounded with fox-proof fencing, 12 large poultry houses, a toilet block and a porta-cabin information centre are required too.

First we get shitty chickens...then we gets the money...then we gets a toilet block. Yes!

Well, here's my response to them, and I hope you find it an appropriate one.

From: kayn@pluh.com
To: info@chickenrescue.org.uk
Subject: Save the chicken!
Dear Sir/Madam/Chicken,
First and foremost, I am curious as of how you got my e-mail address from a so called, "prospect finder." This is indeed intriuging to me, and I wish to know.
Second of all, I'm baffled by the efforts you are putting out to rescue chickens. Obviously your passion for our feathered friends is almost as equal to mine. Shall I elaborate?
Recipie for Quick Italian ChickenIngredients:
2 frozen chicken breasts
A bottle of any good italian dressing
1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Remove the frozen chicken from the freezer, and place on a baking pan (align with foil to save yourself scrubbing afterwards).
2. Take the bottle of italian dressing and pour over the frozen chicken breasts until you cover it. Avoid pouring excessive amounts, or the dressing will burn in the baking process around the chicken.
3. Bake for 40 to 45 minutes.
To get better flavor, let the chicken thaw and poke holes in the breasts before pouring the dressing on. Bake for only 35 minutes, or until center isn't pink.
Though I cannot provide financial support, I certainly hope that I could contribute to your cause.
Have a pleasant day.
-Kayn