The Mighty, Powerful Kayn finally gets to play a game that was unfairly denied to the massive population of US gamers. Take that, SQUEEENIX!

I, myself, am a huge fan of the Dragon Quest/Warrior series. The other 1/3rd of me, known as ME, is also a huge DW/Q fan. So I tracked down a fan's translation of the game and decided to play through it. It makes me so happy to play happy fun games. Do you get to play it? Probably not, because I'm better than you somehow. Oh yes, just accept it and enjoy the review.

Quest? Warrior? WARIIOR QUETST?!

Perhaps I should explain the dealie with the naming convention of the Dragon Quest/Warrior series. Apparantly, someone in Japan and someone in the US decided that calling the games "Dragon Quest" was too cheesy for our US populace. And boy, they're right. So they opted to rename the series to "Dragon Warrior" and just go with that. That was when the very first Dragon Warrior game was released to the US. Then, parts II, III, and IV followed suit.

But somehow, once Dragon Quest V was created, Japan decided to not deliver it unto the US audience. Perhaps it was due to lack of Dragon Warrior IV sales? Gee, that's interesting. See, Dragon Warrior IV was, and still is, so difficult to find that, even nowadays, it's worth something around $70.00. Ohh, wow - that makes sense! Bad game sales due to lack of game manufacturing! Catch-22! Fart poop! Stupid Enix.

Hi! We'll NOT see you in the states!

So from there, Dragon Quest remained in Japan. It was also the first 16-bit Dragon Quest game, so many of us in the states got to drool over screenshots and feel angry/ashamed for not getting to experience the 16-bit goodness. Asshole Enix people. Thanks. No really, thanks. Not only was DQV denied, DQVI was locked up in Japan as well. A Dragon Quest game (VI) with Chrono Trigger quality graphics. BASTARDS.

Angry much? SHUT IT

Had to vent there. Hurray!

So yeah, Dragon Quest V. Finally got to play it all the way through, and I must say - what a great game. It takes all the blips, bleeps, bells, whistles, and addicting level-building craziness to a new level.

The storyline has a very memorable feel to it. You are the son of a great warrior Papas, a man searching for the legendary hero. At the beginning of the game, Papas appears to be some form of royalty. He is pacing back and forth nervously, awaiting for wife in labor upstairs to give birth to their child (THAT'S YOU GENIOUS FETUS LOLOLO). Soon, you hear a crying child, and he rushes to greet his newborn son. Suddenly, something happens to his wife, but we know not...

Fast forward 6 years, and you are traveling the lands with Papas in search of some... stuff. Or someone. Or some peoples. Heh.

Now I must say, this game surprised me here and there. The game seems to be a direct sequel to Dragon Quest/Warrior IV since you come across Zenethian stuff. As the story progresses, you age and grow up, experience a few interesting events, and are forced to marry. But you get to choose who you marry. Replay value! I shall not tell you more. Hurray!

... and the onions. Dude, yer breath is poop.

Does it contain the bowels of HAPPY?!

Standard DQ tradition is ever so present. The battle engine has been tweaked and now does stuff all better-like. And guess what? If one of your characters tries to attack an enemy that has already been defeated, they will randomly attack another enemy! This is a first for the DQ series. Normally they'd attack... nothing. Then you get mad after Balzack kills your priest since your strongest fighter attacked NOTHING!

Also, some other small additions were put into place. You can use the L or R button to talk to someone, open a door, search a treasure chest, and so forth without having to bring up the menu and dig around. Very nice.

Battles are much quicker and far more painless than before. This helps you play through the game without hating life and junk. The orchestrated 16-bit happiness also makes playing through the game all full of not-hating and junk. They've composed the music well enough to make the game not annoying and repetitive. That's always nice.

All sorts of enemies are back from previous games, as well as tons of new ones. This time around though, you can recuit certain monsters and build them up. WOAOA! Yeah, so if you get a Golem to fight for you, holy crap - build that bastard up. They hit harder than a hard object hitting another hard object. Slime Knights are also pretty good.

There's a REMAKE!?

Good news: They remade Dragon Quest V for the PS2. Bad News: It's isn't coming to the states. Yeah, nothing new there. Jerks. So if you can, learn Japanese, play this game, and enjoy it with lots of bread crumbs. Mmm...

Otherwise, punch the decision making guy at Square-Enix in the face.


Category Comment Rating
Nostalgia Much love for the 16 bit RPG era! 4.5
Graphics/Visuals Bland at times, but not terrible. 3.5
Music/Sound Orchestrated Dragon Quest! Yay! 4
Replay/ Value Has a nice amount of replay. 3.5
Originality Has a very original storyline, surprisingly. 4
Final Verdict: 4


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The following comments after this point are old comments. Yay!

Mr. Awesome (Guest) says in non-morse code:

Smilie!This is actually Kayn, but I didn't feel like logging in.

Dragon Quest nerdiness facts!

Dragon Quest I: Descendent of Edrick defeats Dragonlord.
Dragon Quest II: Descendents of the Descendent of Edrick beat baddies.
Dragon Quest III: You play Edrick!
Dragon Quest IV: Nothing to do with Edrick! You are Legendary Hero who must save world from demon lord! Zenethian stuff!
Dragon Quest V: Direct sequel to IV! You play son of Papas and then you... can't say... heh.
Dragon Quest VI: You are guy who stumbles from Dream World into Real World, then stuff!
Dragon Quest VII: You must free different continents from some sort of seals by finding shards everywhere! Hurray!
Dragon Quest VIII: NO IDEA! Yet.


Bob forms verbage to communicate:

Smilie!I agree with SLIMES!
You as KID! You as MAN! WOW!
Bianca - stupid girl to mega honay.
Papas - he's bayud.
Back of BOX! Readable? NO!
The front! Whoo.
Bring it AWWWWWN!
Nighttime. Har!
Copyright infringement!