Final Fantasy III! The real one, not the SNES one! Never released ever before in the US, how does it do? Does it cast Meteo, or is it just Comet? READ!

Ahh yes, the days of NES.

Or in this case, the FAMICOM. So let me ask you this - why did they name it a Famicom? Probably named after some Japanese guy who isn't quite as evil as Mr. Teh, but still evil none-the-less. Why, pray tell, should I be automatically defaulting to evil with this guy? Simple.

They never officially released this game in the US.

That is so stupid. So, so very stupid. And evil. Square Enix deprived us of Final Fantasy games for like 5 years 'till Final Fantasy IV (or, as you delequents like to call it, Final Fantasy II) was released here in '92 or so. FARRRRRK! But I heard that they might be releasing a remake of it for the Game Boy Advance, so yay!

'Till then though, they're EVIL!

Worst game EVER!
OH NO! Mr. Teh - the GAME!

Final Fantasy III - Not that final!

Having just finished this game, I would like to point out in a conceited manner that the completion of this Final Fantasy signifies my completion of every Final Fantasy game released to date. Well, with the exception of stupid Final Fantasy XI, which is a MMORMROROROROPRPG. You can't actually complete games like that, so it doesn't COUNT!

Feel the significance of that, you CLOD!

The Light Warriors lead the damsel back to their ship, where she will unknowlingly perform disgusting pixelated acts for them.

In Final Fantasy III, you start out with a party full of annoying little kids. Four to be exact. Known as Onion Kids (don't ask, I have no idea), they fall into a hole underneath surface of the earth and stumble upon the Earth Crystal. Suddenly, the crystal shatters and bestows powers to the kids. Wait... I'm not sure if the crystal shatters, or if it just loses light. Well, one of those two things happen, and those kids get the ability to change classes. Now, they're the Light Warriors, and gotta go save the planet from the dark something-or-other.

While this may not be the deepest most elaborate plot EVAR, it was actually pretty decent for the old NES days of yore. YORE! I would have killed to get the chance to play this game when it was originally released. I adored the first Final Fantasy, and just so very badly WANTED to play more. Bleeeh... anyway.

RAWRB - 15 HIT - Defeated!

While this game has an incredibly simple story, it's very challenging. Challenging like... a FOX! Often times, you'll wander somewhere that you're not quite ready to wander into, and the monstars are all, KILL YOU! Since this is an older RPG, expect to spend a little time building levels to move forward. It's nothing like Dragon Warrior I or anything where you gotta spend most of the game building levels, so don't sweat about it, fret!

Unlike Final Fantasy I, this game has a gazillion jillion different classes. However, in Final Fantasy I, all six classes were useful. Many of the classes in Final Fantasy III are completely useless. The Bard - weak and stupid. The Geomancer - STUPID AND LAME! The classes I used in this game were:

  • Fighter
  • White Wizard
  • Black Wizard
  • Red Wizard
  • Monk
  • Knight
  • M. Knight (Like a Dark Knight from FF4)
  • Karateka (super monk!)
  • Dragoon (WHOO!)
  • Thief (only briefly - to unlock stupid doors)
  • Shaman (Supar White Wizard!)
  • Warlock (DEATH Black Wizard)
  • Ninja (best fighting class!)
  • Sage (uses all magic, including summons!)

Looks like a lot, right? Well it is, except the rest of the classes stank like a poop sandwich (which, undoubtedly, stink). Not really a bad thing though (except for the stinking part) - people like diversity. So yay for options!

The battles in this game show early signs of later battle systems used in the FF series, while retaining a ton of the old NES stuff. You can hit an enemy 15 times like them older games, and the damage now appears on the enemy (like the NEWER games). So it's a hybrid of old and new, kinda like... the special edition of the original Star Wars Trilogy!@ WOW!

Oh, and they finally got rid of the annoying "attack ineffective" crap if one of your Light Warriors attacks an enemy that's not there. Now they default to attacking a random remaining enemy! Yay for milestones like this!

If it's stationary and flashes when it attacks, we can kill it.

Musically, the game does well. Nothing that extraordinary, like the tunes from FFIV. There are certain songs that stick out and become memorable, such as the actual boss music. Good stuff. Other great notable melodies are near the end of the game, like when you travel through the last dungeon, and certainly when you fight the final boss. It's all, gooey!

Kill it! KILL!

Given the limitations of the ol' NES stuff, this game has excellent grawrfix! HARHAR! I guess that's all I have to say about that. Definate step up from FFI and FFII, so... I guess stepping up is... good? NO!

In any case, FFIII was a fun and happy game that was played by me. Since random websites rumor and speculate that Square Enix is planning on releasing a remake of this particular game for the Game Boy Advance, you might get a chance to really play it. Now wouldn't that be all sweet like? Sweet like... dying in a painful death of sword slashes, Bio spells, and tile-based doom!



Category Comment Rating
Nostalgia Old school! WERRD! I love NES music. 4
Graphics/Visuals Great grawrfix for NES. 4.5
Music/Sound There was actual boss music in this one! Whee! 4.5
Replay/ Value Tons of classes, TONS! 4.5
Originality I think when it came out, there wasn't much like it. Whoo! 4
Final Verdict: 4.3


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The following comments after this point are old comments. Yay!

News (Guest) bakes:

Smilie!Square Enix is going to remake this game for the Nintendo DS.

Rawrb declares:

Smilie!AnonFag@ said:You may have played and defeated every released Final Fantasy game, but *I* own nearly every original cartridge. BEEYATCH! Well now. Here's a gift for your superiority. *gift*

AnonFag@ (Guest) says in non-morse code:

Smilie!You may have played and defeated every released Final Fantasy game, but *I* own nearly every original cartridge. BEEYATCH!

some guy you dont know (Guest) pizzas:

Smilie!if this game is gonna be on gba then im gonna buy it kuz i love final fantasy and i love portability

Pluhsomeulizm conveys:

Smilie!Furious said:PLuH MuTHA FuCKA OWN3D

Furious plutoniums:


Rawrb forms verbage to communicate:

Smilie!Becky said:Famicom is short for "family computer." Only the Japanese could possibly come up with something that retarted. =P You're WRONG! It's some Japanese guy's name that's evil!Hang your head in a basket of SHAME (and perhaps some sort of fruit)!

Becky (Guest) un-shut-ups:

Smilie!Famicom is short for "family computer." Only the Japanese could possibly come up with something that retarted. =P

Porn Monkey excretes:

Smilie!This is better than waterpolo!
Rawr spells! RAWR I SAYS!
Murph is a viking! He kills sea lions! LRWAOERL
Pluhquest? no...
Har har! Shafty looks like a GIRL!
You can have guests in yer partay, but they just follow you around.
Shafty is crafty!
Take boobays to ship!
Back attacks!
Chocobos! Best thing ever!
Murph FAILS!
Yay! Gawkman gets pounded!
Secrawrt passarges!
HAR HAR, Shafty fails too!
Big, fat Chocobos!
Punch punch punch! Stupid him!
Bad gars!
Dragoons? Indeed.
I kill! They do not! FART!
Tee hee! Death sword!
Teh... the GAME!