How ironic that the hottest of the hot female Olympians from Australia and Brazil would compete in a "heat?" Herein there be "heat," indeed.

Man, talk about great timing. Two weeks AFTER the Olympics ended, wants to continue the cool feelings by presenting the hottest of the female Olympic athletes, now competing for gold, silver and bronze in the "Boobays of the Olympiad" competition!

What can I say--we just have that Olympic spirit. It's hard not to get into the Olympic mood after staring at pictures of Olympic hotties all day, trying to pare them down into a format that won't wear out the eyes. After all, there were like thousands of Olympic participants, and it takes a hella long time to figure out the hot ones and gather enough pictures of them to be able to intelligently hand out the gold, silver and bronze.

After an exhaustive review, it was determined that the countries with sufficient levels of Olympian hottiness to qualify for the Booblympics were (in alphabetical order):

  • Australia;
  • Brazil;
  • Germany;
  • Italy;
  • Slovakia; and
  • the United States of America.

If you're reading this review from some country that isn't represented here, well, sorry. Evidently, your country's female Olympians were little better than dog-faced she-wenches. Don't take it personally, though; just move to one of the countries with a surplus of Olympic hotties.

We have collected literally hundreds of pictures for this review and, to do proper justice, it was decided to divide the Booblympics into three "heats" in which two of the countries vie for the right to be one of the three countries competing in the Championship Boob-off. This is the first heat, consisting of a to-the-death battle:

Australia vs. Brazil

Because we are all basically leches at heart, here you will see no discussion of how nice or personable the athletes are, or whether they had some incredible life-changing struggle to have to overcome. No human interest stories; just shallow, candid evaluations of their bodies. It seems crude, but we're actually doing them a favor. After all, they spent a lifetime toning their bodies for athletic competition. The least we can do is admire them for it. Let's turn it over to our commentators, play-by-play guy Stupid McCupid and color commentator Early Winn, from The Stupid Early Show. (Anybody who got that reference is an old fart.)

Early: "Australia's team consists of Amy Taylor, a soccer player, and Tatiana Grigorieva, who does track and field. True, the latter really doesn't look like an Australian name, but she is Australian."

Stupid: "The first competition is the Boobay match, and the Australians have a very compelling argument."

Stupid: "The judges tally their scores and... 5.0! A perfect score! Woot!"

Early: "Yes, stupid, this is really a team effort on the part of the Australians. I mean, Tatiana really could win this competition on her own, but Amy can definitely hold her own."

Stupid: "And here come the Brazilians, soccer player Ana Paula Mancino and the entire Brazilian women's soccer team!"

Early: "Interestingly, I think Mancino herself is Italian, but it appears as though she plays on the Brazilian team. This may be a recent development, since she wasn't part of the Playboy spread that the Brazilian team did a few years back." 

Stupid: "Can it be? Yes, the judges have handed out another perfect score of 5.0!"

Early: "Well, it really comes as no surprise. My hand-held GUUUHHH-meter was way off the charts, even moreso than when Taylor and Grigorieva were on the field. Mancino's boobayness cannot be denied, and the Brazilians just have the benefit of numbers on their side. After all, the Australians' boobays simply number 4... the Brazilians have 10 stupendous boobays!"

Stupid: "Well, it looks like this one is going to come down to the derriere competition. Here come the Australians."

Early: "Yes, Tatiana's form is perfect, just as it was in the boobay competition. But Amy just can't find any tail pictures to submit to us. How will the judges react?"

Stupid: "Oh, a very disappointing 3.5. Tatiana may compete for the all-around gold, but Ms. Taylor just really let her team down in that competition. It's just so hard to find a great picture of her rump."

Early: "If the Brazilians can manage at least a decent score, they'll advance to the final round. Let's take a look."

Early: "You know, if they don't get a perfect score, the judges have to be blind or paid-off. My hand-held GARF-meter is about to explode!"

Stupid: "Yes! Another 5.0! The Brazilians will advance to the final round with a perfect score in GUUUHHH and GARF competitions!"

Early: "Well, you know, the Brazilians really brought their 'A' game today. While I'm looking forward to our next two heats, it's just hard to imagine that any team could pull off perfection like the Brazilian team."

Stupid: "So let's get one last look of the Brazilian trump card that pulled off the victory in this heat, and we'll see you again real soon when hotness superpowers Germany and Italy face off!"


Category Comment Rating
Australian Boobay rating Tatiana's "tatianas" are enough to garner a perfect score. 5
Australian GARF rating Tatiana may win the individual gold. 3.5
Overall Australian hotness score A very worthy score; they just had the misfortune of facing Brazil in the first round. 4.5
Brazilian Boobay rating Just too many fine boobays for Australia to compete. 5
Brazilian GARF rating So hott... want to touch teh hiney. 5
Overall Brazilian hotness score Your heart (and everything else) is Pwn3d by Ana Paula Mancino. 5
Final Verdict: 4.67


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The following comments after this point are old comments. Yay!

PsychoslutRoboT jabbers:

Smilie!Go Brazil!!!! I'm rooting for Italy and Brazil, i admire them alotttttt and it's the least i can do. I'm feeling the olympic rush! and it's geting exciting!
I wish these Olympic events was held every year

Pain in my anus (Guest) unleashes:

Smilie!I would even watch Olympic cricket or synchronized painting if it meant seeing a hoo hoo point out, of course leading to a massive orgy.

aussie penis man (Guest) verbalizes:

Smilie!agreed, brazillian chicks are fuckin hot, but Aussie chicks with Brazillian waxes (ie. shaven haven) win hands down. Besides, we have heaps hotter biatches that tatiana, we have some young swimmers that will be in the next olympics that are 1000000000 times hotter, oh god they're good. I need to go clean myself off.

sir chadwick (Guest) communicates:

Smilie!funbags rock guys-keep it up

Rawrb says in non-morse code:

Smilie!I demand the sequal to this review!

Shafty discharges:

Smilie!Well, people in hell want ice water.

poop (Guest) pizzas:

Smilie!we want porn

Porn Monkey blahs:

Smilie!Try this!

If you scroll up and down on this page you get a happy rush down under.

Wooooaaahhhhh!!! MORE MORE MORE!

Porn Monkey evaporates:

Smilie!This is what the olympics are all about!!

Rawrb conveys:

Smilie!This is... the best. EVER.
If this competition included a "face" component, Australia's Amy Taylor would be a clear favorite for the gold. But it doesn't.
Ms. Taylor competes in the boobay competition!
Amy Taylor's overall score: WOW.
Our next Australian competitor is track and field star Tatiana Grigorieva, whose name really doesn't sound Australian. Her GUUUHHH factor makes up for it, though.
It are hiney time!
Brazil's Ana Paula Mancino is another fierce competitor for the gold.
Holy freaking crap... the Brazillian women's soccer team.
The judges are most impressed with the Brazillians' stairmastarry!
*computer dies of excessive hotness*
Ana Paula Mancino's GARF!