This game is the most racist piece of shit since Hitler's Outhouse. Wait, what?

More zombies? I'm beginning to think that most of our articles on this stupid website all contain some sort of emotional and/or sexual attraction to the walking undead. Vampires are lame, but zombies will always rule.

Unless you're fucking ALUCUARD.

Alucard, bitch!
The Original Blade. Sorry Snipes.

Las Plagas - not something you want on your burrito.

The mighty Resident Evil 4 hit the Gamecube some years back with the Leon Kennedy reprising his role as, "Zombie Slaying Pretty Boy." As he traveled to Spain to rescue the president's daughter he fights off this thing called, "Las Plagas," that seems to turn people into smart zombies. Of course, "smart" is absolutely relative. They run at you, stop for a second, walk slowly, rear back for an attack, and die by the wave of lead you inject into their rotting flesh. These guys have a genious zombie IQ compared to previous T-Virus zombies from other RE games.

RE4 also introduced the "over-the-shoulder-stop-and-aim" control scheme that made the old scheme seem like controlling a quadrapalegic sloth. You see, I couldn't play the orignals due to the damnable controls. Murph tried to convince me, "Shut up! You get used to it!" - but I continued to get frustrated when a zombie dog attacked me while I fumbled around and ended up unloading a clip into the floor. Capcom decided to not be stupid and introduce something more intuitive and fun to use, hence the awesomeness of the RE4 control scheme.

This guy gets the ladies.

RE5 adapts this scheme with a few tweaks, but overall it's the same. Some might argue it's a bit "primitive" compared to something like Gears of War - like not being able to move while aiming - but you jerks just don't get it - it's still NOT the original RE control scheme. Thank your fucking stars for that.

Get it? STARS? Eeeeh.

Africa! Lions, tigers, zombies! Yay!

Chris Redfield returns to do some goodness with his new partner Sheva Alomar. She is attractive... but you already knew that. Like they'd introduce Sally Struthers as your companion. It's called marketing and they need pretties to sell video games to prospective male gamers like myself.

It worked. *shrug*

So the super-non-gender-or-race-biased team charge in and start shooting ugly, Plagas infested zombies. Yes, there is a plot. The plot is what I consider amongst us gurus, "fun," while some parts are a bit predictable (gee, who's the chick wearing the hood?!). While things begin to unfold you upgrade your weapons (sadly the awesome merchant guy is gone), fight some nutty monsters, and uhh...

Yup. That's about it really. Of course they've added this new "companion" system. While you play as Chris initially, throughout the entire game you've got Sheva curvily fighting along your side. The AI in your partner isn't perfect, which for some reason people demand, but she does a decent enough job. A few times she'd get killed in a strange fashion where I had no control to save her, but that was rare. There would be times when she'd take ammo I needed, or when we're fighting a big monster... she'd use the pistol. Here I am unloading shotgun rounds into the fucker and she's throwing pebbles. I then learned that you can order your companion to "Attack" or "Cover." Attack basically means, "pick up everything you see and dump ammo into everything that moves." Cover is the exact opposite. Thus, the AI is just okay. Not horrible, not great, but okay.

Now I'm sure co-op is tremendously funner, but I haven't had the chance to try it out.

KKKiller Zombies!

While the inventory system leaves much more to be desired (Mr. Nonpunctuation summed that up nicely), the game is a tremendous amount of fun and I was glued for an entire weekend to this game. Once I finished it, I loaded up a new game and went through it again on the hardest setting. I do think they should have done something a bit closer to the attache case system in RE4, but it still works and keeps the game nice and challenging.

Now... *sigh* let's not leave out the racism issue that everyone is yanking their crank about. Look, it's not racist. At all. People started freaking out when they saw some "stereotypical African jungle villager" zombies a bit later in the game. Uhm - from what I understand these types of villages still exist today, so how exactly is that racist? It's racist because it EXISTS! And your female companion is black (but has an elegant English accent for some reason). And one of the main supporting characters is black. You're just looking for something to whine about if you think it's racist and need something to do with your time, like... oh, I dunno - knit yourself a sweater? Bake me some cookies? There you go. *pats on head*

Being racist hurts!

I love you Magnum.

Hey, if you enjoyed Resident Evil 4, you will enjoy Resident Evil 5. It's not quite as good as RE4, but it's still a great game. So load up your limited inventory with ammo and green herbs, sell those trinkets, upgrade those weapons, and massacre yourself a Las Plagas infected villiage. I hear it's quite theraputic for socially deprived types.


Category Comment Rating
Gameplay Tight controls, iffy menu system! 4
Graphics AMAZING. So good you see the sweat off of Sheva's... brow. 5
Music/Sound Good score, nice and tense. Voice acting is far greater than the first RE, har har! 4.5
Replay Value Some extras after you finish it, but beyond that... we'll just see what downloadable stuff there will be later. 3
Originality It's more action oriented than the first several RE games. Still fun. 3.5
Gratuitous Sheva Ass Shots Not nearly enough of these. 3.5
Final Verdict: 3.92


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The following comments after this point are old comments. Yay!

pstick93 evaporates:

Smilie!AHAH! that KKK guy is hilarious!
April 2nd 2009, 3:19 AM

pstick93 jabbers:

Smilie!I was kind of disappointed. It wasn't as good as 4.
April 2nd 2009, 3:18 AM

Rawrb dispenses:

Smilie!Remakes are dumb usually, but I want Capcom to remake all resident evils prior to 4 with the over-the-shoulder perspective! That would be SEX.
March 29th 2009, 5:56 AM

FinalBout blahs:

Smilie!good game, but it deserved more than a 3.91/5!
March 27th 2009, 1:07 PM

RubyGoodyBoo conveys:

Smilie!This is the most amazing video game review I've ever heard.

You're in line to be the next Adam Sessler!

We could only be so lucky to have Rawrb on G4.

Anyway, I loved how you stressed that the game was NOT racist. People are immature, and need more knitting and cookie baking to occupy their small lemming brains.

I had a flashback of me almost murdering my game cube 3 years ago, when I read about how you detest the older RE game's control scheme. I hated when the crimsons came hauling ass from out of nowhere and you didn't have time to even think about aiming at them.

All in all this review was sexy, scary, and insightful all in one big hearty package.

Thank you Rawrb.

March 27th 2009, 5:24 AM
Red Xbox?! Yeah.
Rawrb's typical first date! EEEWH
Chris hit the gym after escaping the mansion.
The after effects of listening to Nickelback.
We all want to be like Alucard.