Ryu's back. Well, kinda. But this game has boobays! Why am I arguing?!

A new Ninja Gaiden game! New like new things! New like this puppy!

Disgustingly cute!

Oh, and this is Pluh's first Xbox review! Isn't that stupid? It's been out for a long time, but we've finally caught up! Ok, not really. We still don't have an N-gage! LOLL

Drawrgrawrn Swerawrrd!

In this Ninja Gaiden game, Ryu's all about revenge. While he's doing some training stuff, his village gets all destroyed by the Viggorian Empire. Now why did they destroy some random ninja village? To steal the Dark Dragon Blade, no less! This particular blade twas carved out of the bones of a dark dragon, while Ryu's Dragon Sword was carved out of the fang of a dragon! Wait... *reads instruction manual* ...I don't know about that.

Well, at least that's true in the original Ninja Gaiden series. All I remember is that in Ninja Gaiden 2, Ashtar's sword was carved out of the bone of the demon, and Ryu's sword was carved from thar dragon fang! It's got BONE MARROW in them!

Anyway, so let it be known: This Ninja Gaiden game doesn't tie into the originals in the slightest (aside from unlocking playable versions of the NES originals). I find that a little disappointing, but I got over it pretty quickly when I decapitated my first enemy ninja.

Slice! Dice! Ow, 70% of my health!

In the traditional Ninja Gaiden tradition of traditions, the difficulty is controller-throwing, explicitive screaming, slam-head-into-desk HARD!

That's right. The game is hard. Very hard. As a matter of fact, it's probably one of the hardest (if not THE hardest) platform 3D 3rd person game out across all the latest consoles. However, the difficulty is actually tolerable. When you die, you want to try again. I can't tell you how many times I died and said, "MOTHERF*&(#$!!! ...however, THIS time, I'm gonna win!" Then I'd die again. And again! But I'd prevail. When that would happen, you get that feeling of "RAWR!" after beating a hard boss.

Take the level 7 boss, Alma. The hardest boss in the game. I spent two hours trying to defeat her, and when I did, I went into RAWR mode! "YeaH! YOU GET THAT! Whatddya think of my blade in your face, you demon #^%$#! RAWR!" Yeah, I'm stupid.

And, of course, let's not forget all those random enemies that can drain 70%+ of your health in a single bound!

However, something that really aggrivatingly contributes to the difficulty is...

... the camera.

Maaan, this is the only real flaw with Ninja Gaiden. I can't tell you how many times I got destroyed because I couldn't see what the #$#%$ was going on. One second, I attack an enemy, the next second, the camera flips out and I lose a large chunk of health.

This is 10x more annoying when it's a boss, because they decimate your health very quickly given the chance (and you can't block a large chunk of their attacks).

But when this game shines, it shines. The combo system, though hard to get down at first, is amazing. It is possible to go through this game without getting hit... if you've mastered the system. I went through the first 40% of the game just mashing buttons, and it really made the game harder for me. Once I started practicing the combos and stuff, things started falling into place (like enemy skulls, heh heh rAWR HAWRHAR). I started taking out groups of enemies with the greatest of ease using combos.

And on top of THAT, you have tons of combos spanning across many, MANY different weapons. You've got a Dragon Sword, nunchaku, the Vigorrian flail (which is an awesome weapon - it's like nunchaku, except it has sickle thingys on the ends), the war hammer (big weapon that smashes bad guys), the Dabilaharo (giant sword that RULES - reminds me of Cloud's sword in Final Fantasy 7), and MORE. They all have different combos, and all have strengths/weaknesses. You can upgrade most of the weapons to gain access to more combos. Good stuff!

With all that above goodness, Ryu's just so badass. You just want to BE him. He can leap from wall to wall (like he did in the original Ninja Gaidens), run across walls to access seemingly impossible areas, and decimate his enemies with unparalleled accuracy and finesse. He'll kill ya 10 times before ya hit the ground.

Rachel = GUUUUUH!

Okay, so the gameplay destroys. What about the rest?

This is for Shafty.


Booobays! BOOOOBAYS! Hot demon slaying chicks rule! 'specially when they got tig ol' biddies! Being a badass ninja and all, I bet Ryu gets the ladies. Well, whatever.

So, seeing the amount of "detail" Team Ninja at Tecmo went into (specially with BOOBAYS), you can only imagine how well this game looks. 99% of the time, it's running at an ultra-smooth 60+ fps at super high detail and stuff. This is once of the prettiest games to date, and sometimes does this cool shiny-thing when you're in a room with crazy lighting. The only other games I've seen come close with visuals like this are Soul Calibur 2, Metroid Prime, and Unreal 2. The game is just gorgeous, and Rachel should become a pluhbabe.

Musically, nothing REALLY sticks out, but the score fits the game just right. Has some techno-ish stuff, and sometimes does a little alterna-techno with some light distorted guitar sounds. The sound effects match the game with little flaw. Ryu is very passionate about killing bad guys, as he becomes loud and proud when he performs some of the more bodacious attacks. Rachel has hot voice, and needs Kaynbang.

10,000 ways to kill baddies.

This game made me want an Xbox since I heard it was in development, so it's no wonder that some people call this a "system seller." Without a doubt, Ninja Gaiden has set a new standard for games in this genre. Think of it as a bloody, elaborate, slightly-linear version of the new 3D Zelda games. KILL!

So get it! And DIE (because you will)!


Category Comment Rating
Gameplay One point deducted because of that MOTHERF(@#&$ING CAMERA! 4
Graphics Absolutely amazing. In every way. 5
Music/Sound Excellent sounds and tunes. Fits the game all whee like! 4.5
Replay Value Lots of cool things to get! Plus, you can unlock the 3 NES Ninja Gaiden games! 4.5
Originality 3rd person action = not original! But, it has original stuff! 3.5
Hot boob chicks. Boobs. Boobs! BOOOOOBS! Rachel has BOOOBS!@ 4.5
Final Verdict: 4.33


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The following comments after this point are old comments. Yay!

madrunner verbalizes:

Smilie!Nijasssssssssssss rule also Ryu What are ou sayingy

thomas (Guest) conveys:

Smilie!Pluhsomeulizm said:Can't you guys play the game without cheats?

My friend beat this game the night he got it WITHOUT CHEATS.
OO WOOW, I did it TOO!

Its sooo bad style to cheat!!!

Nndanduleni (Guest) forms verbage to communicate:

Smilie!i am sexeh. said:Pluhsomeulizm's avatar is ugly.

So is Rachael.
Look at me...everything I do is sexy..Don't you like me???

Bob declares:


Tuba D00d (Guest) excretes:

Smilie!ryu said:i was forced to teel by a lepricorn Teel? Lepricorn? I'm sorry, I don't speak your language.

Rawrb un-shut-ups:

Smilie!I delete your stupid spoilers!

ryu (Guest) evaporates:

Smilie!i was forced to teel by a lepricorn

ryu (Guest) conveys:

Smilie!LOOK AT THIS SIDEBAR IF U WANT TO NO THE ENDING TO NINJA GAIDEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ryu (Guest) yammers:

Smilie!Who wants to no the ending to ninja gaiden?

ryu (Guest) absolves:

Smilie!hi hi hi hi hi hi i finished ninja gaiden just b4

ryu (Guest) splats:


ryu (Guest) bakes:


Pluhsomeulizm unleashes:

Smilie!i am sexeh. said:Pluhsomeulizm's avatar is ugly.

So is Rachael.
Your uglierererererererer

i am sexeh. (Guest) conveys:

Smilie!Pluhsomeulizm's avatar is ugly.

So is Rachael.

Pluhsomeulizm excretes:


Boobehs (Guest) conveys:


Pluhsomeulizm declares:

Smilie!Stupid spammers.........

your mother (Guest) un-shut-ups:


DrunkinMonkey (Guest) says in non-morse code:

Smilie!I am waffle man

Pluhsomeulizm bakes:

Smilie!Can't you guys play the game without cheats?

My friend beat this game the night he got it WITHOUT CHEATS.

juvi31569 (Guest) discharges:

Smilie!need gheat for infinite health

AnonFag@ (Guest) forms verbage to communicate:

Smilie!they need more cheats on it

john gamba (Guest) unleashes:


Batman1 (Guest) jabbers:

Smilie!You cant hate the cuteness..he is my sidekick..His name " THE CUTENESS" beware his dangerous temper!!!

Rawrb absolves:

Smilie!This game is HARD!

King Controversy (Guest) vocalizes:

Smilie!I hate that puppy.

Rawrb pizzas:

Smilie!All must play this game.
Ryu's all bayud!
You get stuff! RAWR!
Guess what game this is!
Slice! Dice! Pastrami!
Familar weapons = tee!
Cloud = jealous!
Cool attacks! Cool!
Ninjas can swim! ARGH!
It's so combo-ey!
Killing enemies can be very gratifying.
This is a barss!
Lava is... warm!
Ninjas get hungry!
You get othar weapons too!
Ryu, "WHEE!"
Bad demon guys like boobays too?
Ryu must work out! LOL LOLOLOLLL