The Daily Dumb 12-8-2010

Schooner or later sailors engage in rudder nonsense.

A guy was stranded on a desert island with Heidi Klum. Initially, he played it cool, not making any moves on her for several weeks. Finally, he asked her if they could start a physical relationship, so as to attend to each other’s needs. Heidi was game, and a very nice sexual relationship began. After several months, the guy approached Heidi and said,“I have a problem…It’s kind of a guy thing, but I need to ask you a favor.” Heidi replied, “Okay,” to which he asked, “Can I borrow your eyebrow pencil?” Heidi looked at him in confusion, but obliged. The guy then asked, “Do you mind if I use the eyebrow pencil to draw a mustache on you?” Heidi was growing worried, but again obliged, so the guy drew a mustache on her. Then the guy said, “Can you wear some of my clothes? I need for you to look more like a man.” Heidi was becoming disappointed at this point, but hesitantly put on his clothes. Finally, the guy said to Heidi, “Do you mind if I call you Phil?” Heidi had now become very dejected, and said “No, I guess not, you can call me Phil.” So, the guy reached out and grabbed Heidi by the arms and shouted “Phil, you won’t believe who I have been sleeping with!” R.I.P. Dime.
Badass dogs.
Grandpa is going to beat your ass.
Genius way to pool dive.
This looks terrifying and fun as hell.
Bret Michaels makes an idiot of himself. What’s new?
Bad time to miss.
Amusing weightlifting mishap.
Alternate art gallery.
Waste of perfectly good milk if you ask me.
Germans doing what they do best: Overengineering the shit out of stuff.
Having a shitty day.
Gigapudding. Holy shit.
The most random thing you’ll see today.
Awesome hobby.
It’s good to be single.
Dude’s reactions are hilarious.
Angry old man screaming about dogs. Wait for it….
Know who you trust with your computers….
The 7 most horrifying cost cutting measures of all time.
Excitement building for the death of Paul McCartney’s funeral.
Emails from an asshole, buying an iphone.
Nostalgia Critic: End of Days.
Not perfect.
Anal sex and god.
Spines are for pussies anyhow.
Very lucky people.
Crazy taxi, for real.
Asshole kid gets what’s coming to him.
Brokeback die hard.
Long board fail.
We need to start stocking death metal recording studios with this stuff.
He’s saving money on ink cartridges.
Snow is heavy.
He’s not flying anywhere now.
Friends for now……..
Better records to try and break if you ask me.
Scary, that could’ve been terrible.
Fucking awesome.
2 story antiquing.
Legen……..wait for it………..dary!
Wind sucks when you have no mass.
I’m pretty sure you could record yourself taking a dump with this camera, and it would still look cool.
Sweet flip fail.
Snowball bowling.
There goes a few paychecks…
The best of sports press conferences.
Vintage computer ads.
Son of a bitch. Apple does something right. I’m man enough to admit it.
Salsa dog.
Katy Perry gets the metal treatment.
EXTREME SHAVING! A man doing market research knocks on a door. He is greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. “I’m doing some research for Vaseline,” he says: “Have you ever used the product?” “Yes,” she replies: “My husband and I use it all the time.” “And if you don’t mind me asking, what do you use it for?” he asks. “We use it for sex,” she replies. The researcher is a little taken back. “Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child’s bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge,” he says: “But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you’ve been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?” “I don’t mind telling you at all,” the woman says: “My husband and I put it on the door knob to keep the kids out.”