The Daily Dumb 8-10-2011

There once was a pirate (the story relates) who liked to go dancing on roller skates. He fell on his cutlass which rendered him nutless and virtually useless on dates.

A true fallen guitar legend. RIP Shawn Lane.
Vicious bear mauling.
Nailed it.
He should have done more crunches.
Parrot is angry about shit.
Great set of pipes.
I wish it was this easy.
That was pimp.
What could possibly go wrong?
Failing really slow.
That was telegraphed as hell, but what the fuck do I know, it landed….
White bitches can’t jump.
What the hell is google+
6 ways bacteria will prevent the apocalypse.
UFC 133 Evans vs Big mouth douchebag.
Stop motion street fighter.
Not what I expected.
Her first period.
Crazy boredom.
I hope some day I’ll get a postmortem handjob.
Stupid PETA assholes.
WTF photos are also a thing of the past.
Driver needs his head kicked in.
Wait for the bonus.
I wish there was video of the kids doing it.
Fuck yes.
Pets raising pets.
There’s truth to this.
I hope the prison guards tell everyone why this guy is in. Then it’s only a matter of time.
Fucking classic.
5 ridiculous secrets only two living people know part 2.
Onion news network is LOUD. A touching poem inspired by a true story: My wife is a moron She wants to be a good mother But refuses to teach our daughter The simplest things My wife is a moron Our daughter is Five Years old Yet she refuses My wife is a moron Our daughter is five and still refuses to wipe her own butt My wife is a moron If Darling starts crying “I’ll wipe your butt, poor Sweetie” All through highschool! My wife is a moron If I’m trying to teach our precious daughter “Don’t make her cry” My wife is a moron Ok, then, how pray tell? Take the TP in your hand :Cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry: My wife is a moron “It’s okay honey, I’ll do it’ SHE’S FIVE! YOU MORON! When will you stop? My wife is a moron “She crying, don’t try” “to teach her, she’s five” She will never learn. My wife is a moron Daughter starts school Next week. Can’t wipe Her own Goddamn butt.