The Daily Dumb 8-24-2011

My trouser-snake stands up and cheers When confronted with boobs in brassieres; But, in charming my cobra, The bosom with no bra Can almost reduce it to tears.

The images are truly shocking and horrifying.
Bar fights.
Someone told them that Germans can’t get into 3rd story windows.
Kick someone’s ass with a porno mag.
Awesome proposal.
What a dumb shit.
Raising children correctly.
Fucking legos….
He rips. He trips.
How to turn pink into red.
Cool stunt bro.
There’s those times that braking is useful.
Improv in the city.
This would be a cool place to tell ghost stories at night.
The 5 weirdest things that influence how your food tastes.
Stop motion duct tape tron race. Just as dumb as it sounds.
Classic fails.
That was a little dramatic.
Fruit target practice.
Long way down.
Dude got hit by a truck wearing spandex.
Another gif montage.
Do you smoke?
Everybody’s out.
That’s how to win.
Pictorial representations of web browsers.
You know that moment before all hell breaks loose?
Only slow motion could make something like this so amusing.
Scooter demolition.
This is weird as hell.
Mother of the year.
5 physical details that reveal highly personal information.
Casinos for all. The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, “I’m off. The man should be here soon” Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. “Good morning, madam. I’ve come to….” “Oh, no need to explain. I’ve been expecting you,” Mrs. Smith cut in. “Really?” the photographer asked. “Well, good. I’ve made a speciality of babies” “That’s what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat” After a moment, she asked, blushing, “Well, where do we start?” “Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out!” “Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn’t work for Harry and me” “Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But, if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven different angles, I’m sure you’ll be pleased with the results” “My, that’s a lot of…..” gasped Mrs. Smith. “Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I’d love to be in and out in five minutes, but you’d be disappointed with that, I’m sure” “Don’t I know it,” Mrs. Smith said quietly. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. “This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London” “Oh my God!” Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief “And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with” “She was difficult?” asked Mrs. Smith. “Yes, I’m afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look” “Four and five deep?” asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement. “Yes,” the photographer said, “And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in.” Mrs. Smith leaned forward. “You mean squirrels actually chewed on your, um……equipment?” “That’s right. Well, madam, if you’re ready, I’ll set up my tripod so we can get to work.” “Tripod?????” “Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It’s much too big for me to hold for very long. Madam? Madam? ……. Good Lord, she’s fainted!!”