Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.

Hey assholes. Today is talk like a pirate day. YARRR! Let’s go campin’
Badass dog.
How bout it dog, wanna be friends?
Too much time on your hands?
Imagine.
Who’s the lucky parent?
Staring death in the face.
Dude’s fiancee’s car runs out of gas. Cop shows up. She must be hot.
Mr Wizard. Legendary scientific dickhead.
Choose wisely.
Locker Room Shenanigans.
You win this thread…..
Walrus has the right idea.
Not yet.
Nice going douchebag.
Who is this little weirdo that I raised?!?!
Awesome parking job.
Bravo to you sir.
Shitty exhibit.
Good guys.
Crazy facts.
Thriller in da woods.
Timing is everything.
Such a sveetie.
Dream real.
Don’t judge me.
MY BULLDOG IS FROM MARS!
Similarities.
Respect for your elders? NAHHH.
A new perspective.
How so many jokes begin.
Gamer’s girlfriend scale of awesome.
Best goddamn commercial ever… well…. except maybe the nutri grain one.
Who approved this?
Best damn stunt rider I’ve ever seen.
WTF Japan?
Mistaken identity.
Proper response.
Asshole hipster mutt.
Graffiti win.
Reasons for abstinence.
Another reason I watch Top Gear.
I thought all of their fans had down syndrome.
I know a few people who need some of these meds.
People CAN be awesome.
Me too me too.
Russia’s area 51.
Unplanned vacation.
I wish it looked like this when I microwaved stuff.
Solid plan.
Perfect pitch.
d’oh.
STOP! Bama-time!
How drunk are you?
Transporner.
Some shit you just have to see to believe.
‘merica!
Fuck you flowers.
Verbal smackdown.
Dare to be stupid.
SHIIIIIIIIT, I want to put these everywhere.
So my ex bought a car in europe.
Striking resemblance.
I’d go to their shows.
I want them. DAMN IT!
Step 1: Consume copious amounts of hallucinogenic drugs. Step 2: Go hang out in this room for a while.
Who wants a taco? Rich decided to go skiing with his buddy, George. So they loaded up Rich’s minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. ‘I realize it’s terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I’m recently widowed,’ she explained. ‘I’m afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.’ ‘Don’t worry,’ George said. ‘We’ll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we’ll be gone at first light.’ The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing. But about nine months later, Rich got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend. He dropped in on his friend George and asked, “George, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?” ‘Yes, I do’ said George. ‘Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?’ ‘Well, um, yes!,’ George said, a little embarrassed about being found out, ‘I have to admit that I did.’ ‘And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?’ George’s face turned beet red and he said, ‘Yeah, look, I’m sorry, buddy. I’m afraid I did.’ ‘Why do you ask?’ ‘She just died and left me everything.’