News & Nonsense

Just kidding.

Some NY cops suspended a 22 years old woman's driving licence because she was driving while being hammered drunk, had marijuana in her car, and was naked from the waist down.

A 22 years old completely wasted high naked female driver. Yes.

Maybe she misunderstood. The rule for drunken females stopped by the cops is "no bewbs, no licence". Everyone knows that.

Cats are ordinary people. They cuddle, and play, and sometimes get sick. They can even be allergic to some medication, anti flea medication, for example. It can itch so bad they scratch until they bleed.

What would the pluh gods do in such a situation ?

El duderino is more of a mouse person (as you may have figured thanks to his mouse users safety guide) , so he might have turned to Jarsh. Jarsh would have scared the allergy away with his ninja holiday hate warface. Rawrb would have offered the cat a good pint of beer and to started a game of Tetris with him to help him forget the itching. The boy would have arm wrestled the allergy, won, and stomped the allergy to death while the kitty would have meowed the whole Psychostick discography out of pure bliss. One day,  God went "let there be light", and Rawrb went "you forgot to say please". That's how powerful they are. I personally would have fed the cat antibiotics, but that's only because the chemist's is just down the street where I live. I'm still learning, you know ?

Anyway, none of them would have even thought about getting heavy duty grey duct tape and wrapped the cat's shoulders and back so that the goddamn feline would stop scratching, like on that cat that a Lancaster county vet found at his office with a note explaining why. The vet removed the tape by shaving the pussy cat.

...seriously, wtf ?

If I was to make a movie about this, I'd call it "Team spirit". I already have a tagline : "They were a team, but only had one spirit, so they had to share it among themselves".

Scene 1 : a pair of masked robbers going into a club in Sidney. They run in weilding machetes, ordering the people at the bar to lie on the floor, they are in control of the situation, everything has fallen silent.

Then, something happens.

The robbers, after standing still with an expression of complete disbelief for a second, are fleeing in utter terror for their lives. One runs to the back and crashes through a glass door, jumps from a 5 meter balcony, runs through a bowling green. The other one escapes through an exit behind the bar, only hit the floor *hard* from being tackled a couple times when emerging from the back roller door and trying to run.

So what, was it... Was it JARSH showing them his warface ? Noooooo, they would have died instantly. "First one outside gets a free beer" contest ? Come on, that doesn't exist. A flying green octopus ? CLOVERFIELD ? No, it can't be, I had them for dinner with some fava beans, and a nice chianti. FLFLFLFLFLFLFLFL

The something that happened is called "The Southern Cross Cruiser Club". This club is *their* club. Remember kids, failure to notice 50 bikers having a good time in the bar they regularly get together in can, and will, get you in even more trouble. Maybe those two thieves needed glasses, but I would place my bet on them needing a guide dog instead.

- Most of the roses in the US are grown in latin America. A LOT of chemicals are used to grow them.

- The chocolate you bought him / her is probably coming from Ivory coast, as it produces 40% of the world's cocoa. That country is also known for a persistent child labor problem.

- Paris is the top foreign destination for a Valentine's day romantic break. It is also statistically the city where you're most likely to argue when on a Valentine's day romantic break.

- The Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice in Saudi Arabia forbids florists and gift shop to sell anything of scarlet color. So much for roses, or heart shaped things.

- Undercover Colorado policemen recently arrested 23 people "with outstanding warrants" posing as flower deliverymen for Valentine's day.

- 8 million Americans admit they send themselves Valentine's Day gifts. They may feel lonely, but at least they'll get a gift.

I had an awesome Valentine's day myself. I went down the pub, read a book and had a beer. Or three. After that, I don't remember. Yay !

...and I mean inside your BRAIN, not inside your WALLET, CASANOVA !

Apparently, a group of "flirtatious women" in the Dallas area cruise posh hotels in the area to spike rich looking guys' drinks in order to steal their stuff, like laptops, money, iPods... You know, stuff that shines.

Funny thing is, policemen suspect there are more victims than the 6 guys that actually complained to the police that they got their stuff stolen, but they are too embarrassed to file a complaint about having been beaten with a high heeled shoe, and your wallet stolen from inside your car while you were standing there with your pants around your ankles... Take that, gender equality !

If you had stole a boomerang 25 years ago from a museum in Australia, would you return it now?  I guess my first question would be, since everybody on this site was pretty young back then, WTF WERE YOU DOING IN A MUSEUM IN AUSTRALIA IN 1983?! 

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