The Daily Dumb 4-24-2014

So many truths.

A Canadian burglary.

Nuttier than squirrel turds. Seriously, just wait for it.

Fucking with the cat.

What a way to go.

A way to make soccer interesting.

This would be total pandemonium in the US.

Airtime.

SCIENCE!

That’ll learn ya.

So you wanna buy a Koenisgegg huh? Better learn to drive first.

He’s going to pursue a new career in comedy.

More like this.

I want to do this for a living.

He sucks at revenge.

Hell yeah dude. Innovation.

Rock em sock em dumbasses.

Beautiful.

Badass dad. Kid could use some gear though.

Everything is a remix.

Distance shooting.

Are you faster than a train? He isn’t.

Pissed off Bullwinkle lookin’ mofo.

Wat?

Finland summer vs winter.

Good guy saves a heron.

Rich lazy douchebags, REJOICE!

My kind of girl.

Dealing with drunk drivers.

One sorry Mexican.

Gin and juice.

Goonies behind the scenes.

Bad mofo.

How Toy Story 2 almost got lost forever.

Simple but effective.

I hope the caller gets his ass fucked with a billy club.

Another dickhead cop.

He goes drinking with this other dickhead cop.

Nascar bad lip reading.

9 famous thinkers who were total hypocrites.

30 painfully true facts about every day life.

Total madness.

Making the best of a bad situation.

Want to see the happiest kid in the world?

This is next.

Fuckin’ losers.

Bitches.

Freedom angels.

Biggest piece of shit security guard ever.

Stomach.

A horse walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender is in shock, an actual horse just walked into his bar, sat down at the bar like a person, and ordered a beer in perfect English.

He tells the horse, “I’m sorry sir, I just have to go speak to my manager for a moment.”

So the bartender goes to the back, and explains the situation to his manager.

The manager thinks for a moment and then says to the bartender, “Okay look, this is a bar so go ahead and serve that horse a beer. However considering he’s a horse, he probably doesn’t know how much beer costs, so go ahead and charge him $50 for it.”

The bartender shrugs and goes back to the front, where the horse is still sitting, visibly watching football on the TV. The bartender gets to the bar and asks the horse,

“Okay, what’ll you have?”

The horse turns back around and says,

“Gimme an IPA”

So the bartender pours him an IPA, and slides the beer across to him. He then slowly slides the $50 check across the bar to the horse. The horse picks up the check with his hooves, passively looks at it, pulls out his credit card, slowly slides it and the check back, and then calmly goes back to watching the game as he laps his beer. Now the bartender is still confused, the situation is difficult to get his head around, but he doesn’t want to risk offending a 1000lb horse by asking the wrong questions.

So he opts to start some small talk and says to the horse, “You know, we don’t really have too many horses coming in here.”

The horse slowly, impassively turns back around to face the bartender and replies, “You know with prices like these I’m not surprised.”

The Daily Dumb 4-22-2014

This fuckin’ guy.

Polish artillery.

Bad lip reading. Wolf of Wall Street.

Dogpanzee.

I’d have some sore kneecaps.

This guy’s a fuckin’ badass.

Sportsmanship.

Flawless victory.

Surf’s up.

Overacting much?

Looks like every day at hometown buffet.

Some races weren’t meant to be won.

Girl directions.

My kind of easter bunny.

Convenient placement.

Damn good dog.

Skeet Skeet.

Technology kicks ass.

Clever.

You’re fucked now.

Stupid celebrity kid names.

Just one of those days.

Doctor.

Walmart skateboards with expert skaters.

A 5 year old and a 3 year old are upstairs in their bedroom

‘You know what?’ says the 5 year old, ‘I think it’s about time we started swearing.’

The 3 year old nods his head in approval, so the 5 year old says,

‘When we go downstairs for breakfast I’m gonna swear first, then you swear after me, ok?’

‘Ok’ the 3 year old, agrees with enthusiasm.

The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 5 year old what he wants for breakfast.

‘Shit mom, I don’t know, I suppose I’ll have some Fruit Loops ‘

WHACK…she spanks him

He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out.

She looked at the 3 year old and asked with a stern voice, ‘And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?’

‘I don’t know mom, but it won’t be fucking Fruit Loops’

The Daily Dumb 4-21-2014

Handicap?

Beast mode…. lol

Redefining faceplant.

Joe Rogan motivates you.

I need subtitles…. and a large gun.

Houdini’s dog.

Houdini’s honey badger.

Cool judge.

Sometimes I miss high school.

That looked painful.

Kill it with fire!!!!!

That looks like a really sweet ride.

HAX

Smallest mother.

Small car woofer.\

Those vegan farts….

Prank til they pass out.

Jake’s Sword.

What a fucking vicious infraction. PUNISH HIM IMMEDIATELY.

This would freak out the dog.

Levitation prank.

One of those warm your heart stories.

Video editing voodoo.

The old man knows it’s all in the wrist.

This child loves the cock.

Hell yeah! Drunk fucker.

I remember the roller rink…

WTF did I just watch.

Water tricks.

Go back to New York.

T Rex flash game.

Scientifically accurate spongebob.

So much hatred relived.

The controversial country song.

THAT is how you crash a car.

BAD AS FUCK!

Naked gun quotes.

Do the right thing.

Infomercial fails.

Disturbing facts.

Like I needed another reason to hate them…

Different times.

Fedor’s little brother is bored.

Could recreate that if you tried.

Badass magician.

Best of scenes from a hat.

Little Johnny’s class is reviewing the alphabet.

His teacher knows that he has an “advanced” vocabulary for his age, so she avoids calling on him.

When the teacher asks for a word beginning with “A,” Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher anticipates he’ll say, “ass” so she calls on Mary Lou, who says “apple.”

This continues because the teacher knows that Little Johnny knows a cuss word for every letter of the alphabet.

Then she gets to “R.” She can’t think of any cuss words that begin with R, so she calls on Johnny.

He exclaims, “R is for rats – Big Fucking Rats, with 12-inch cocks!”

The Daily Dumb 4-18-2014

I see this all of the time…

The one place you’d think that you’d be safe from theft….

A father’s warning.

If you’re a Game of Thrones nut, watch this.

His DREAM car.

I wonder how many of you will be disrobing after this video.

I’d vote for him.

Goddamn. Amazing is right.

What a dick. Hipsters beware.

Spring break sluts.

Porky Pal.

Totally awesome and made of sticks.

Test drive prank.

You’re SO hard dude.

Go back to the city.

Great simple scare prank.

Wounded lion.

Bad fucking ass.

This bitch talks a lot.

Would you watch this?

How not to unload a Larta.

Amazing artifacts.

Shame on you Reddit.

Totally badass.

Great camping hacks.

How Boomhauer’s voice came to be.

Astonishing facts.

You’ve got something in your hair.

Celebs who aged terribly.

No time to stop.

Pranking guide.

How the fuck?

The 6 most undeserving lottery winners in history.

Not so tough without his gun.

Do you watch Top Gear?

Fucked up day at the office.

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, “I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I’ll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back. ”

The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan’s offer. One man even leaves.

Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. “Is your bet still good? “, asks the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness.

Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.

The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, “If ya don’t mind me askin’, where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone? “.

The Irishman replies, “Oh… I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first “.

The Daily Dumb 4-16-2014

How my day began. I immediately stopped and bought

lottery tickets. I’m giving this cop a year’s salary if I win.

Absolutely nuts.

Wish I could have seen this go down.

RICHARD!

CLASSIC ORIGINAL: My

buddy and I wrote this ad bored one night unbeknownst to the actual

owner and used his contact info in the ad. Wish I could have heard

the phone calls he got until the ad got flagged.

Better than

the standard beatboxing crap.

The original predator.

Man’s best super nimble friend.

Fucking around on the

job.

Movie ink.

The wolf of

wall street honest trailer.

Trading in my

bandit…

Cosmos…. for creationists.

You’d definitely be killed for

this in the states.

electric eel is no joke.

RIP

Warrior.

Canadian rednecks are friggin’

awesome.

Booze ads are stupid.

Buy her a Reliant

Robin.

Pimpin’ since pimpin’

Inception

dog is not amused with your bullshit.

Not every day you see a pensioner

do that.

I’m feeling dated.

Awesome dogs.

Pitbull power!

Fence climbing should be left to the capable.

Mean tank slapper.

Hilarious state farm

commercial.

I’d love to see these dudes show up at a

Slayer show and freak everyone out.

Amazing Abe.

Another asshole cop.

She looks unamused.

This is fucking beautiful.

Pictures of the dark side.

How guys and girls drink alone.

Blood moon time lapse.

That didn’t go well.

Annoying citizen vs cop with short fuse.

Dead boy prank. The last one rules.

Only fucking Acer would do this.

Smooth operator.

Can I get someone “hood” to explain this shit to

me?

6 movies that put

insane work into stuff you never noticed.

Sick of these unrealistic expectations.

A

practical tale in astrophysics.

Still better than Nickelback.

Don’t fuck with the girl scouts?

Best ink I’ve seen all day.

I just got off the phone with a friend living in North Dakota near the

Canadian Border.
He said that since early this morning the snow has been coming down,

it is nearly waist high and is still falling.
The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is

increasing to near gale force.
His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just

stare.
He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.

The Daily Dumb 4-14-2014

Crazy stop motion with wood.

Disappointment.

The music totally makes it.

Good dog.

What a fucking cool dude.

Everyone hates these fucking things.

Quick life hacks.

Blind for 35 years.

This was seriously badass.

Turns out you can be on wheel of furtune even if you’re illiterate and in college.

Reminds me of conversations with my girlfriend at times.

I wish this was real.

Fake Drake.

This seems a bit unfair…

Wanna quicky?\

Total dad win.

It’s the little things…

Slight miscalculation.

So some cats aren’t assholes?

I’d love to have one of these… until it got huge.

That’s a long way.

Fucking with your coworkers.

lol

Everyone loves watching car crashes.

Take off that coat buddy.

Well played.

Dog likes to burrow.

They look like the Hardly boys to me.

Colossal Chrysler fuckup.

What DJ’s used to do.

She’s a keeper.

A young woman in New York was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean.

She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying.

He took pity on her and said, “Look, you have so much to live for. I’m off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I’ll take good care of you and bring you food every day.” Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, “I’ll keep you happy, and you’ll keep me happy.”

The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning.

That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.

Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain.

“What are you doing here?” the captain asked.

“I have an arrangement with one of the sailors,” she explained. “I get food and a trip to Europe, and he’s screwing me.”

“He certainly is,” the captain said. “This is the Staten Island Ferry.”

The Daily Dumb 4-11-2014

April Fools bitches. I was on vacation.

Who else is excited about season 4?

The story behind the most famous photograph in the world.

Good kitty.

Brutal bulldog attack.

Fuckin’ dumbass.

World’s biggest fusion reactor.

Dogs and soldiers.

I don’t remember school projects like this.

This looks pretty nuts.

This would make for a short game.

Best prank ever.

Brewmaster rips apart cheap wine.

Brazen Brazilian.

Who you should unfriend on facebook. This really works.

Smarter than the average bear.

Destined for greatness.

Thank you?

Bunch of bitches.

1 horsepower wakeboarding rig.

Real smooth reporter lady. You’ll be kissing Jessie Jackson’s ass in no time.

Real smooth reporter lady. You’ll be interviewing fish in no time.

First time on a coaster.

RIP Warrior. You were one of my favorites as a kid.

Smells fishy.

Grow up fag.

Book club.

Chocolate milk challenge.

Crazy cat.

Cool Thai commercial.

Crazy card trick.

A horse and a kitty.

Major pilot skills.

Awesome dad.

She gets around.

Best rope swing ever?

Sleepy kitty.

Bulk erasing.

Watched this the other night, and it looks pretty promising.

Mario trashes your pad.

Really stuck the landing.

Weirdest goddamn band ever?

Solid April Fools prank.

Westboro fags GTFO.

Dumbass biker.

Dumbass cager.

You got served…. by the NYPD.

So relaxing.

Drunken Norgie and the nice cops.

A lot of fail in one place.

Dogs hate magic.

Badass.

All of the British accents.

3rd world drum shred.

Fedex is fucking up.

Talented rats.

Facts that sound like bullshit.

Modelbombed.

Fastest lawnmower.

Letterman’s retirement statement.

Red dot prank.

Clinton talks aliens.

Shitty diet.

High speed dirt.

Amish moving company.

Porn trolling.

If somebody had freaked out and run… it would have been way funnier.

Something had to make that bullshit stop.

Not how you merge.

Diseases you don’t want.

HAX!

Strange pets.

Best day ever.

Historically accurate disney cartoons.

Border patrol.

Been there, done that.

Cat is not impressed by your guitar.

Creepy as fuck images.

Protecting and serving.

It’s so cool, it sucks.

Awesome historical artifacts.

Little pictures big history.

Origin of the memes.

Sailin

Good kitty?

In the ghetto.

Welcome to Florida.

How girls and guys drive.

Redneck transportation.

They all missed the bus.

GTFO.

Dad of the year.

Severed hand prank.

Junkin’ at the gym.

Hypocritical pricks.

This chick sums it up well. P.S. she’s hot

Who really invented the internet?

The perfect card trick.

Art from serial killers.

Sticks and Stones.

You are seriously fucked.

Safety equipment is important.

Paris Hilton…. not being a bitch. Weird.

Little Gordon.

Self esteem boost, fuck.

ladyboy pageant of Thailand. I’m fucking scared.

Florida at 2:30 in the morning… in 1987.

Best protest sign ever.

I will eat….

Maddox mocks everything.

My tax dollars at work.

Heckler busted.

Speak up.

Always wondered how this worked.

Pipes from hell.

Old people.

I dare you.

Rejection letter Venom got shopping labels in 1980.

Fucking tragedy.

Intensity amplified.

Nintendo Oui.

My doctor wrote me a prescription for “dailysex”

But the wife had to break it to me that it was actually for “dyslexia”.

The Daily Dumb 3-31-2014

40 years, and hearing for the first time.

All of our fears with the Oculus Rift.

The road less traveled.

Epic win.

This may seriously kill you.

Cuteness overkill.

Well played doggie.

You had one job….

Combat juggling.

Crazy fast RC car.

Effective theft deterrent.

Structure needs improvement.

Crazy hockey block.

Good on him.

Baby’s first steps.

Star Wars on a pipe organ.

Easily startled.

Fucking moron.

Dog=Cute. Half a dog=half cute? WRONG. Half dog=cute. The math does not add up. I just divided by zero.

He’s not impressed.

Gay. Fake. LOL

Every playground needs a goat.

How much is dog therapy?

Crazy shit.

Grandma has moves.

Best car vent ever.

This doesn’t look like an especially good idea.

Put this guy on the news.

When your dad is a dreamworks animator… your home videos are going to be rad.

Cell phone crashing.

This doesn’t look safe.

He THINKS he’s bungee jumping.

Commuter pigeon.

Free sex.

Close calls.

THIS is how you advertise.

Satan help the women these dudes are with.

Awesome dog.

Black jeopardy.

Tree fights back.

Pranking Gordon Ramsey.

Advice mallard.

Good kid.

Awesome scare prank.

Fooling the cops.

April Fools ideas.

My kind of music.

Wal Mart…..

Craigslist.

Mummy.

Not sure how I never put this together until now.

Ask your sister.

Venn diagrams are important.

Anthony Hopkins was a composer and wrote a waltz before he was an actor. Watch his reaction as he sees it performed.

Will Wheaton talks about being teased as a kid.

South Park tribute to Monty Python.

I wish I could have seen this.

I have a 6’6″ Jewish friend we call Tallocaust. Guess who just got a copy of this on their facebook wall?

pwned.

How half of those Arabian tales got written…

Trombone loop.

Ahhh man, now THAT is funny.

Family Feud epic win.

On their 50th anniversary, a wife found the negligee she wore on her wedding night and put it on. She went to her husband, a retired Marine, and asked, “Honey, do you remember this?”

He looked up from his newspaper and said; ” Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married”

She said, “Yes, that’s right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?

He nodded and said, “Yes dear, I said: Oh baby, I’m going to suck the life out of those boobs and screw your brains out.”

She giggled and said, “That’s exactly what you said. So now it’s fifty years later, and I’m in the same negligee. What do you have to say tonight ?”

He looked her up and down and said, “Mission Accomplished.”

The Daily Dumb 3-27-2014

New engine tech.

This would make my entire week.

Denmark is asking its people to support their country…. the right way.

Welcome back Buddy.

TV theme songs from Carnegie Hall.

Watching this destruction is still unreal.

He pretty much nails it.

Without the music, you’d lock this guy in an asylum.

That will teach you.

Narrow escape.

Great Aussie commercial.

I’m the juggernaut bitch!

Little Billy is standing in the barn with his grandpa

There are rabbits in the barn and their droppings are all over the floor.

The boy says, “What are all these pellets on the ground, grandpa?”

Grandpa says, “They’re smart pills, Billy. Eat them and you’ll get smarter.”

Little Billy liked the sound of that so he grabbed a handful off the ground and shoved them in his mouth. He immediately spit them out and said, “Ugh, those taste like crap, grandpa!”

Grandpa says, “See you’re getting smarter already.”